March 7, 2023

Onan Co'Brien's Monologue: Tuesday 3/7/2023

Ricky Anders: From BBC Studios in MSMG CITY, it's Late Night with Onan Co'Brien!

Tonight, YellowBlack, Giant Ball of Pure Rage, and musical guest The Screams Are Getting Louder!

With me, Ricky Anders, and the Heisenberg 7! And now, here's your host, ONAN CO'BRIEN!!!

*Onan walks through the curtains and the crowd cheers. Tonight he's wearing a silver shirt with a blue tie.*

Onan: Thank you, thank you, thank you! It is so great to be here with all of you tonight. I hope you're having a good time, because I know I am. You know, I was just informed that the network is considering moving our show back to 11:00 PM.

[Cheers]

That's right, back to its original time slot. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean, I just got used to being on at midnight. It's like changing your underwear, you know? It takes a little while to get comfortable with the new fit. Except this is underwear I already crapped in back in December.

[Laughter]

But in all seriousness, folks, we're excited about the possibility of reaching even more of you at an earlier hour. And speaking of changes, did you hear about our new stream owner, SpaceFanatic?

[Cheers]

Yeah, he's owner now. And he wants to bring Christianity into MSMG? Yeah, apparently he's a big believer in the power of prayer. And you know what? I respect that. I really do. I mean, who couldn't use a little divine intervention these days?

[Laughter] But on the other hand, I'm not sure how he or the Catholic Church feels about Late Night TV. I mean, is it a sin to laugh after 11:00 PM?

[Laughter]

But seriously, folks, let's talk about, um, anonymously.deleted, yeah. Del. Apparently she's not feeling well, and she's feeling quite overwhelmed. I mean, I can't say I blame her. Being stream owner can't be easy. It's like being the only sober person at a frat party. But you know what they say, laughter is the best medicine. So let's all send our love and support to Del and hope she feels better soon.

[Cheers and laughter]

Well, that's it for me. But don't go anywhere, because we have YellowBlack coming up after this commercial break. Stick around, everybody!

[Onan walks over to his desk as the house band, The Heisenberg 7, plays a short jazzy tune]