Same bruh
I actually let myself do nothing for so many years bc of that fear
I'm the type of person thats so unlucky that it can be tempting to feel like reality will change to screw me over. Like if I couldn't finish school I couldn't see other kids growing up, so whenever I'd try to get more comfortable with kids, too much school would become a problem. When I tried to solve that, I'd just always get sick. This pattern repeated so many times that I would repeatedly get demotivated.
Then when I finally decided I would try to stay motivated no matter what, covid lockdowns happened. And once that finally settled, well, then a lot of ppl moved away.
So I just assume the moment I do something big in life, America will fall to dictatorship. Because we look so dang close to actually being in one