in like 2 years I'll be at the point of suicide and then I'll say "I shouldn't kill myself because my family would be sad, how dare I even think of something like that this is why I should kms" and it'll just repeat indefinitely
SO MY DEPRESSION IS ENTIRELY BASED ON GUILT (I'M A DISAPPOINTMENT, I WASTE EVERYONE'S TIME, I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING WORTH CARE, ETC.) BUT THEN WHEN I HAVE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE "MY FAMILY WOULD BE SAD"; GUILT IS BOTH KEEPING ME ALIVE AND KEEPING ME DEPRESSED TO THE POINT OF SUICIDE