LAST THURSDAY, I TURNED 95 YEARS OLD. AND I NEVER EXERCISED A DAY IN MY LIFE. EVERY MORNING, I WAKE UP, AND I SMOKE A CIGARETTE. AND THEN I EAT FIVE STRIPS OF BACON. AND FOR LUNCH, I EAT A BACON SANDWICH. AND FOR A MIDDAY SNACK? BACON! A WHOLE DAMN PLATE! AND I USUALLY DRINK MY DINNER. NOW ACCORDING TO ALL OF THEM FLAT-BELLY EXPERTS, I SHOULD'VE TOOK A DIRT NAP LIKE THIRTY YEARS AGO. BUT EACH YEAR COMES AND GOES, AND I'M STILL HERE.
