Proluge: am I?
If someone is insane and they realize it are they sane? Or are they deluding themselves by pretending that they know whats going on? I realized I was insane and the only sane option was to die. Why? Because it told me not to and I would do anything to defy it
Chapter 1: sanity
My walls are dark gray it soothes me, calms me, brings me back from fits of rage. My walls are dull and smooth like a cloud on a rainy day. My walls surround me like a cage and I am a pristine bird. My walls trap me in a never ending cycle of madness
Am I insane? I think as I do often and wait for a reply
Not at all sweetheart it says with a crisp accent and soft voice you’re just right
Okay then I suppose I’m just right I take everything it says to heart because it is a part of me it is my conscience at least thats what I tell myself it is my friend
It is nice to me
It calms me when I am mad
It helps me see the world for what it is
It is why I am locked in my room
It is why my mother takes me to the doctor so much
It is why I can no longer go to school
It? I think
Yes dearest? It says
What should I do? I think
Talk to your sister It says
She doesn’t like me I think
She’s afraid of you It says
Why? I ask
She is afraid of me It says
Then why does she not like me? I ask you’re not me It
I know It says but she doesn’t know that dear
You are my only friend I think a thought that crosses my mind often
Yes It says I am decidedly that
I hear footsteps. It who is that? I ask
Your mother It says
Does she like me? I am shaking now because I am cold and the blanket it is much too far away
She fears for you It says
Better than fearing me I decide
Yes It says better
The door opens and my mother slowly glides into the room barely taking steps
“You don’t have to glide not to startle me” I say “It told me you were coming
“Oh dear” mother says “how did you know it was me?”
“It told me” I say “and your the only one who visits me because sister is afraid of me and dad is far too busy getting drunk and cheating”
“Your father does not cheat!” mother yells
“Yes he does It told me he does I can hear you yell at him I can hear bottles smashing downstairs” I say
I live in the attic
“Your father is a good man” mother says
“A good drunk and a clever cheat” I say
It laughs at my joke
But the joke is It’s It told me to say that
I’m very funny It says
You are I think placate
“I can’t do this today, sweetheart” mother says
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