my mom wasn't someone who should have had kids
when i was little she said she never smoked but when she got tested for pneumonia she said she did in her early 20's
if i put it together with some other evidence, she smoked while pregnant with me
and then there's also the fact that the way she sees kids is as objects that are inferior to her but should also be better at everything than her and obey her every command
and also with what was going on when she was 22 i think that's a really bad time to be like "maybe a kid will fix it"