I don’t deserve to vent but I don’t care at this point- it will be in the comments

About to just tell my school to call me She/Her and my deadname again-
I may stop getting bullied then?-
Or should I just cut off chunks of my skin to get skinnier
Or starve myself again
That may make it stop…

I cant get an actual therapist before anyone says some bs about that
Last time I got one she just said it was my fault my dad hates my family and a bunch of stuff happened so NOT A GREAT RECORD FOR THERAPISTS :)
Recently I was like “I cant post or even get into the app but might as well check on my TikTok notifications!” So I go to the website and see I have a lot of notifications because I haven’t checked them in a while, thinking they will all be random likes or bots following me I’m ready to just not even scroll through them until I see someone with a black pfp and a weird user just- hating me
I have 2 people this person could be in my head rn but I cant even tell anyone because I told my friends and they just insulted me more, if I tell my mom she will yell at me and take my phone and all my chromebook, cant tell my school because they aren’t able to talk until a few days before school starts
Usually it doesn’t bother me besides give me a bit of dysporia because they just call me she and if they know my deadname (very rare for them to know it) they call me that- but this time they thought “HEY LETS GO AND INSULT HIS WEIGHT!!” AND THAT F**KIN HURTS!! IT REALLY DOES!! I TRY TO WORK OUT I TRY TO EAT HEALTHY I TRY TO EVEN F**KING STARVE MYSELF FOR DAYS!! NOTHING WORKS!!!! I DENY FOOD EVEN WHEN I AM REALLY HUNGRY BECAUSE OF IT!!! IM SO SICK OF LIVING I JUST WANT TO BE SKINNY AND A BOY!!! I JUST WANT THOES TWO THINGS!!! EVEN IF IM STILL HOMELESS ID BE SLIGHTLY HAPPIER IF I WAS JUST SKINNY AND A BOY-
THANK GOD THEY HAVENT FOUND OUT I AM HOMELESS BECAUSE WE ALL F**KING KNOW THEY WOULD USE THAT AGAINST ME TOO!!!
I CANT MOVE SCHOOLS BECAUSE THEY SOMEHOW ALWAYS F**KING FIND MY SOICAL MEDIA AND THEY WOULDNT JUST STOP IF I MOVED!! IF I GO TO ANOTHER SCHOOL I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO SEE MY FRIENDS AS OFTEN OR AT LEAST THE FEW FRIENDS I STILL HAVE-
now I’m sitting and crying in a coffee shop and I look f**king stupid and ugly and I just want to stab myself so much that my skin cant be held together anymore and i just fall apart
I wouldn’t be fat then :)

as a person who wasnt average weight either. i feel your pain. i know a dude who was 180 in 6th grade and he changed his diet for 3 months and worked out everyday. and still does even when sick ordosent want to. and with your sex being female its hard to put on muscle but ypu can run and once you get to the point of a mile you can run a mile and do a light worku after .

The thing is I can’t do much walking/running because my legs get super tired really fast even from just standing, and even if I do workouts that don’t have to get my legs super tired the workout does nothing :,)
And leg workouts don’t help either it doesn’t make me any stronger or anything idk why-

thats why you push yourself like i did

I literally can’t but ok that’s great that doing that worked for you!

bitch stfu no one started benching 150lbs at birth it takes years. sry i called u a bitch. you ned to try its all in your head

I-
I was calmly talking and you suddenly snap? That was uncalled for-

i know im just...
mad and stressed

I’m sorry that you are /gen

gen?

It’s a tone tag it means something is genuine :)

If for some reason someone wants to talk to me or give advice they can ig