Basically I'm not able to start my new job for 3 weeks so after years of putting in 10 hour days and being miserable ive been trying to really relax. In paticular ive been taking ridiculously long 2 hour baths with all kinds of bubbles, bath salts, bath bombs, candlelight. Anything but a 5 minute shower is totally new to me and ive enjoyed being self indulgent for once.
I was searching for bath products and stumbled upon to people putting orbeez in their bathtub. I thought, thats completely stupid, sign me up. I love having enough free time to waste it doing stupid things.
I got a f**kton of orbeez, did the thing, waited many hours, and suddenly there that monstrosity was. Putting my hand in was somehow unnerving, I had a gut feeling this wasnt a good idea but I stripped down anyway and hopped in.
Im not saying I reccomend this, but for the first 5 minutes it was actually extremely relaxing. It was like a mix of a weighted blanket and a light massage. I was just rolling around in there having a good ol time. There was a mosquito ruining my immersion though and I kept trying to kill it by tossing orbeez at it. Eventually I took a small handful and actually nailed that f**ker to the wall.
I started laughing pretty hard and I was feeling real proud of myself as if I wasnt gonna have to pick up those orbeez later. I actually laughed so hard that I farted and thats when everything took a wrong turn.
I guess when you fart its kind of like a turkey baster? Like you let air out but it sucks some back in. To cut to the chase, my asshole vaccumed up an orbeez.
Immediately I was in shock and I was trying to convince myself no f**king way did that happen? But I quickly started to feel actual pain and I panicked. I tried to reach in and grab it but that just pushed it farther in and I couldnt feel it anymore. I was in too much pain like it was actually agonizing trying to grab it and I was sobbing at this point. I even tried to poop it out but im chronically constipated and cant go on demand.
I tried googling but apparently this hadnt happened to anyone else. I saw stuff about kids being poisoned by orbeez and my anxiety was through the roof that it was going to explode toxins inside me or something. I called a nurse and she told me I needed to see a doctor immediately so I knew I couldnt just ignore this and hope it work itself out.
I got to the hospital, waited for a really long time, got a room and eventually a nurse came in and asked why I was so distraught
