I’ll check in the morning going to bed now

I have a better one

Hello? *knock on door* oh one second I'll be right back someone is at the door
*footsteps* *sound of door opening* "hello what do you wan- AHHHH" *gunsh0t noise*

*silence*

"Please leave a message at the tone *BEEEP*"

Yes I am doing that

I did that

Nice

I would show you but I can’t do the sound

Ok

Hey It’s _____. Here are three things you probably shouldn’t do right now:
1.) Don’t leave a message. It’s boring to listen to and a waste of my time.
2.) Don’t call me back. I didn’t answer for a reason so just keep that in mind.
3.) Don’t expect a call back. Its not gonna happen so you might as well forget about it.
So keep those things in mind the next time you you call me.
OK, thanks, bye!
Should I shes my voice mail as

• Hello, and thank you for calling the Starstripe Mental Hospital. If you need to reach a patient, please press 1 and then say their name. If you are delusional, please have either you or your monkey press 2and we will connect you to Mothership. If you have short term memory loss and you don’t know who we are or why you called, please press 3 and we will remind you. If you are dying… well that is not our problem and we cannot do anything about it. If you want to sell us something… this number is no longer valid. Thank you for calling Starstripe Mental Hospital, and have a nice day.

Hey, you have reached my voicemail. You should just hang up and text me because you’re an idiot to think I would pick up. BYE!

The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

Hello, this is ________. I’m not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) OK, what would you like me to tell me?

This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.

Hello. All of our operators are busy right now, but if you’ll leave your name, telephone number, a brief message, and the time you called, we’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you and have a pleasant day.

Road Kill Cafe – you kill ’em, we grill ’em. Leave your order after the beep.

Hi, you’ve reached _____! I’m not here so leave me a message and I’ll get back to you! But be careful of what you say because the government records my calls

Mommy & Daddy can’t come to the phone right now. They’re all tied up. As soon as they agree to buy me that new bicycle, I’ll let them loose and have them call you back. So leave a message after the beep.

P

Please repeat the secret code and if you get it right, I will call you back!

Hello. I’m not here right now, so leave a message! Make it short, make it sweet, or I’ll have to press delete.

Hi, I’m sorry I couldn’t come to the phone but if you hop 3 times, spin around, touch your nose and say your name, then leave me a message after the beep, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

Hi do you want to hear a joke. You do! Well that sucks for you

I’ll answer u next time if u give me a new car
HI, you’ve reached (name). I’m so sorry I can’t pick up the call right now because I am standing right behind you. GOTCHA.

(make a little noise in the background). Hi, you’ve reached your friend’s house. He/she isn’t home right now and I took the opportunity to rob it. I was about to steal the phone as well and you called. After the beep, leave your name and number. I will write it on a post-it and leave it on the refrigerator for him/her to see. Oh and one more thing; where did you say you lived?

• (Create a noisy sound) Hi! I’m a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy’s answering machine. If you give me your name and number I’ll… Uh, I’ll post it on the fridge where he’ll see it by the way where did you say you live