Duolingo

Lol

lol

Not raised by his bug-hating mother, Duolingo eventually grew to hate people, using the disguise of wanting to help people learn languages.

Then, he ran somebody over. He went to see if they were ok. He smelled their blood, and had to have more...

So he installed LinkedIn, faked an impressive business resume, and saw an ad for a company looking for a mascot. These people were easily bought with money and threats, so Duo made a deal that any customer that didn't practice would be sacrificed to him in order to spare the owners' lives. And so, Duo set up residence in Chicago, where no one would be suspicious of missing persons, and the Duolingo creators lured their users to their doom, at the hands of a Giant. Green. Owl.

Hi, I'm Joe. Joe Mama that is. And I'm going to work at LinkedIn! "WOOOO!" I saw a weird green asshole lookin' thing. "It must be their new mascot," I thought. Little did I know, this big, green, bird, was going to be the death of me. I walked in and put in an appointment. The green bird just kept starring tho. Creeping me out a little. I sat there for 3 hours. The green bird starring, every. Second. Minute. Hour. They asked for my resume. As soon as I gave it to them, they said that they could get me tomorrow. I was about to leave, but they said I could stay there for the night because they had an open room available. I said yes, because, why not? It was already pitch-black out, and I didn't feel like getting mugged. I should have just left and taken my chances tho. It would have been 10x safer than in this Hell-Hole.