BETWEEN THE TIME WHEN THE OCEANS DRANK ATLANTIS AND THE RISE OF THE SONS OF ARYAS, THERE WAS AN AGE UNDREAMED OF. AND UNTO THIS, WAS BORN, BARNEY, DESTINED TO WEAR THE THORNED CROWN OF DINOLONIA UPON A TROUBLED BROW. IT IS I, HIS CHRONICLER, WHO ALONE CAN TELL THEE OF HIS SLAUGHTERS. LET ME TELL YOU OF THE DAYS OF SOULLESS DEBAUCHERY!