Light some candles. Flower petals on the bed. A nice chardonnay.
And then jacking my dick like it owes me money! I'm talking full kung-fu grip where it looks like I trying to rip the head off. One foot on the bed, one foot on the dresser, and a pair of panties on my head. Thrash metal at full volume and a strobe light flashing in time to the music. From the ceiling fan, spinning on high, are two piñatas, one of Biden and one of Trump. As they spin their little feet are kicking me in the head. As I cum, I bellow out "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" while flushing the toilet repeatedly and rubbing jalapeño honey all over my chest.
You know... a regular Tuesday night.
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