I've never met a nice south African.

I've travelled this old world of ours from Barnsley to Peru, I've had sunshine in the arctic and a swim in Tinbuktu, I've seen unicorns in Burma and a Yetti in Nepal, And I've danced with ten foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall, I've met the King of China and a working Yorkshire miner - But I've never met a nice South African! No he's never met a nice South African, And that's not bloody surprising man! 'Cause we're a bunch of arrogant b***tards, Who hate black people! I once got served in Woolies aften less than four week's wait, I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late, I know a public swimming bath where they don't piss in the pool, I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school, I've met a normal merman, and a fairly modest German - But I've never met a nice South African! No he's never met a nice South African, And that's not bloody surprising man! 'Cause we're a bunch of talentless murderers, Who smell like baboons. I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind, That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind, I got directory enquiries after less than forty rings, I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings, I've seen a flying pig, in a quite convincing wig, But I've never met a nice South African! No he's never met a nice South African, And that's not bloody surprising man! 'Cause we're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths, With no sense of humour. I've met the Loch Ness monster and he looks like Fred Astaire, At the BBC in London he's the chief commissionaire, I know a place in Glasgow which is rife with daffodillies, I met a man in Katmandu who claimed to have two willies, I've had a nice pot noodle, but I've never had a poodle - And I've never met a nice South African. No he's never met a nice South African, And that's not bloody surprising man, Because we've never met one either! Except for Breyten Breytenbach, and he's emigrated to Paris. Yes he's quite a nice South African, And he's hardly ever killed anyone, And he's not smelly at all. That's why we put him prison