Misui: Marenol.
An antidepressant I got hold of myself instead of being prescribed.
I'm, well, depressed. I took the drugs I was prescribed at first, but they didn't do anything.
I've done counseling, too, but I never had any confidence in it.
Unsurprisingly, I soon stopped medicating, and soon I lost the will to go outside.
Even leaving my room became a challenge. I stopped eating, started collapsing and vomiting.
Even though there was nothing to vomit up...heh.
For better or for worse, in the middle of all that, I found an antidepressant on the internet.
I wasn't actually looking for one...
Instead, while I was looking for suicide methods without any intention of actually going through with it, it showed up in some automatic interstitial.
(Is it really a good thing to stop people who want to die?)
Its main effects: powerful antidepressant properties, mood enhancement, healing depression itself, nutritional supplementation, with a very long tail of effectiveness...nothing short of perfect.
But I was more interested in the side effect. "Dreams so bad they approach death."
I was dubious of whether they were actually that bad,
But having "recovery" as a main effect and "death" as a side effect is sort of win-win for someone suicidal.
And dream journals had almost made bad dreams a little fun.
And there are a lot of drugs with bad dreams as a side effect.
It's hard to tell if the drugs actually cause them or they were happening anyway...
So apparently it's really not that big a deal.
I really didn't think it would be that bad...in retrospect, I was overconfident.
I just took a bunch without paying too much attention to the instructions.
I figured, hey, I've OD'd before.
Caption this Meme 
