Can't sleep, hence I've been thinking a *lot*- (°ー°〃) (I might take a break to work on myself, too. If I disappear, that's why).

When it comes to being genderfluid (because I have fluctuated a bit before and I'm so close to just changing to non-binary) you can feel what gender you are by emotionally looking within.

Neopronouns are basically when there's a thing that asks for your pronouns and you hit the custom option.
You make your own.

Mocking securities can be discerned from normal personalities because they are done not to make the person happy, but so that others are put down (or people are referring to gender in a way that isn't gender, like dream stans saying they're just dreamgender.
You can make up just about anything you want but if you're doing it to put others down rather than put yourself up, or you're something else and "pretending" to be LGBT that's that's it crosses the line, though there could easily be situations where people are just mistaken and aren't trying to be mean they're just genuinely confused and that's OK.
I don't really like getting so seriously into topics that are heated debates because I could have an opinion that is somewhat wrong or offensive but I'm gonna take a chance here. The problem is that we can make up anything we want for our personalities but there are lines somewhere. We have to be very careful where we draw those lines, because who gets to choose what's OK and what isn't? If we gatekeep within ourselves, we're just as bad as the homophobes.

I don't think I've ever gotten into something because of LGBT ppl but it always makes me want to stay
Like when I found out a game I play has a bunch of gay ppl and a FREAKING TRANS GOD AND LESBIAN QUEEN/GODDESS
Or when I found out that same game has a bi character who's also the VA for a character from a show I loved years ago... WHO IS TRANSFEM

For songs, I've heard Hayley Kiyoko and Mother Mother have good stuff but haven't started listening to most of their songs yet (Hayley Kiyoko is a lesbian btw)
P!nk doesn't have as many LGBT-based songs as Lady Gaga but they're both extremely supportive of the community
A few songs I recommend by them: Born This Way, Marry the Night, 911, Just Dance (Gaga), Secrets, Are We All We Are, Where we Go, What About Us, Just Like Fire (P!nk)

1. Oooh, that makes sense, yeah! Thanks for letting me know how it works, since I've been wondering a lot about it *^____^*

2. Does the same go for xenogenders? And are they basically identifying as something "out of the norm"? There was this one person I met online who, in their bio, had "Samsung Fridge/him". Were those neopronouns/an xenogender? 🤔

3. That's a very good take on what makes a sexuality and/or gender fake/mocking! I never thought of it that way, and it makes a lot more sense now that I'm thinking of it *that* way. Thanks for sharing your take on it, because I was actually rather confused on what exactly makes a sexuality or gender fake, and I often get nervous thinking that, due to me identifying with one of the lesser-known sexualities, that I am, unknowingly, mocking the community or identifying with a fake sexuality 😬 Looking at it via this new take makes me feel a lot better, however, because the sexuality genuinely does make me happy, and I don't see as to how it could "put others down", so I thank you deeply for helping me out there \(￣︶￣*\))

4. Exactly! Having LGBTQ+ representation in things such as movies, shows, video games, and other such things are always so engrossing! Besides, showing some representation really shows that the creators care, and so I really respect that, as well as the fact that, now, the content is more relatable, as well as feels like a bit of comfort for the soul. That's exactly why I feel Disney should stop avoiding it so much and, instead, actually openly represent the Community, because I've heard that they actually keep cutting such stuff out from Pixar ( https://youtu.be/HGSL44Gl0n4?t=510 ).

5. I've never heard of Hayley Kiyoko before, though I'll definitely have to check her out now! As for Mother Mother, I've actually listened to quite a few of their songs and, so far, I *love* 'Sick of the Silence'. 10/10, recommend giving it a listen ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx4oIkYKDdc (this is the slowed version)). I also listen to Lady Gaga, though not as much as I used to, and I've only listened to a few songs of P!nk before, such as 'Just Like Fire'. Still, I love 'Just Dance' and 'Born This Way', though I'll definitely have to give the others a listen! Thanks for the recommendations ヾ(≧▽≦*)o
I myself don't know that many LGBTQ+ songs, though I know Lil Nas X (one of my favorite gay icons 💅) makes quite a few, such as 'Industry Baby'. I also recommend 'Spectrum' by Boyinaband, another LGBTQ+ song.

DANG THOSE ARE GOOD SONGS
Both are already on my Spotify playlist
I love the first one so much because I can relate to having mental issues...
and intrusive thoughts, and hearing voices...
Don't worry, I'm OK! I assure you, I am NOT tearing at the seams!
(if you're wondering if that's sarcasm or not, I don't know either)
I love the second one so SO much and it's gotta be a good sign that Spotify was playing similar songs and it plays me one of my favorites as a similar song

Eyy, I'm glad you like em'! ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜) It's always nice to be able to share my favorite songs with others ♥
But, yeah, I understand you with the relatability, though I'm not tearing at the seams either 😅 I just hope we're both doing well, and continue doing well, no matter what (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Yeah, I'm trying to hold on, and doing... ok...
Most of my stress is from school drama (ironic how I go to a >75% LGBT school fabled for being drama free and people are why I'm stressed out constantly- a couple specific people
*sigh*
I need to spend every second of my life forging myself into an empathic person who cares and loves constantly so I don't ever have more drama)

I will lose my grip and become unable to hold on after long enough, but summer is in nine weeks and four of those weeks I will be spending most of every day playing frisbee in a class with my favorite teacher
I can hold on long enough

Probably doesn't help I stay up so late... whatever... sometimes I vent to myself late at night about drama when I should be sleeping and I have intrusive thoughts and an unstable personality but I'm OK!
Nothing to worry about!
(when summer starts I am probably going to avoid all verbal and physical human interaction for a week straight and just take a break from people)

So basically, I'm not ok, but I'll make it. And then I will be so burnt out I will take summer break, for the first time ever, as the blessing it is

When you can't run, you walk, and when you can't walk, you crawl. And when I can't crawl, I'll be where I need to be.

So that's why I love songs about mental issues

Ah, yeah, school sucks enough already, but only gets worse when you have to deal with drama and those annoying types of people. That's why I myself do online school now, because I cannot stand school drama or having to interact with the kids who I simply cannot cooperate with. Maybe you could start online schooling, too, if your school offers it? 🤔 It's a lot better than actual school, at least for me, since you don't have to get up so early and, instead, just do your work when you want, as long as you submit it on time. In addition to that, there's no group work, no other students to interact with, etc. (and we don't even have to do Zoom calls).
If you cannot do so, I at least hope you *are* able to hold on and pull through, which I believe you'll be able to do. Just try not to worry about it all too much, because that just makes everything worse. I know, because I myself used to suffer from *really* bad intrusive thoughts, and they definitely made life a struggle bigger and more complicated than necessary. I still have them, but not as badly as before, thankfully.
But this is about you, not me, and so I simply advise you to put some time, care, and love into yourself every day, and to not focus on the issues around you for every second that you're awake. You just have to let go sometimes, instead of causing your hands to bleed by gripping on so tightly. Just know where you fall beforehand, so that you'll have some soft grass to catch yourself on.

I like the way you say that. I'm an INTJ for my Meyers-Briggs type and I am the embodiment of perseverance. No matter how hard it is, my first instinct is to power through. I've recently been trying to take more time for myself, thank you for the tips.

ONLINE SCHOOL WITH NO INTERACTION OR ZOOM?
HOW DO I GET INTO THAT KIND OF HEAVEN?
I preferred online school to normal, but was that one kid who carries the group project and meetings for me kinda felt like a waste of time. Like, I could be working instead of sitting here waiting for ppl to catch up playing geometry dash.
I think I'd rather stick with normal school because I know it better than online school now, but that is a good suggestion. I might look into that.

Yeah, my intrusive thoughts are pretty bad. They don't show up much, but it's like I have a psychopath alternate personality I'm trying to suppress.
When they show up I have to fight so hard to not listen, because I feel like if I think too hard about what they tell me I'll do it. I literally clench my fists just to hold on and keep in control of myself.

No problem; always happy to be of service! (^^ゞ I'm just glad you know yourself well enough to know how to handle your situations, since most people don't know what to do, like myself 😅

And, yeah, no interaction or Zoom with my online schooling! Of course, you don't have to partake in online schooling, too, though the option is always available to you (if your school offers it) \(￣︶￣*\)) As for now, just go with what works best for you, no matter whether that be online or real life school.

Same here; I absolutely *abhor* having intrusive thoughts- I mean, mine got so bad at one point in time that I actually purchased some scalpels, just because I felt so convinced by them (nobody ever got hurt, don't worry)- (。_。)
I also get the psychopath alternate personality thing, since my one alter actually used to be a persecutor and *very* violent/unpredictable, though they've now settled down as a protector, whom of which is now *very* responsible and mature. Though they've caused a lot of damage to me before, they've now become a *huge* help to me, and I honestly owe him my life 😅 He carries and deals with a lot of my past trauma, which is so that I don't have to live with and be so dragged down by it, so he's actually a key part of my system, hence I'm glad I've still got him around, especially now as an actual protector.
So, yeah, I understand what you're going through completely and, from my experience, I would say that the best thing to do is just find what makes you happy (that's how my one alter managed to settle down; by finding what made them actually happy and willing to change) and know that, if you *do* snap, the consequences are, most likely, going to outweigh the benefits, hence it's best to just hold back and know that things are, in time, going to get better. I know, I know, I wish there was a specific date given to us in regards to *when* things will get better, but that's just how life is; full of surprises.

I think I figured out the problem
School drama and anxiety cut my personality in two and gave me two personalities:

A hard-core introvert who only talks to friends (and when put in group projects comes out of their shell multiple days in)

A person who acts really weird in social scenarios (and is a sociopath)

I now understand what you were saying about "how would I feel if my body tried to suppress me"
This isn't me
This hard-core introvert...
It's not who I am
The other one used to be me, then I matured and became smart (but I was never a sociopath, that's new)
I finally figured it out
I need to... fuse them, if that makes sense?
And today, it happened
Just like I predicted, DEPRESSION!!
But then I figured out how to cure that, even if I'm starting small
My personality basically has a giant crack cutting it in two
I found a coping mechanism - music!
I've always been so obsessed with music in my life, and today I basically accepted my problems and let go, listening to old, soft songs, trying to bring out both personalities safely and calmly...
And put a band-aid on that huge crack
I googled some stuff and apparently it's common for people with multiple personalities to feel less emotions?
Well, I think the more divided I became inside, the more my personalities changed themselves, and the less emotion I felt. All I was feeling was fear and somewhat depression so I think my brain just shut it out.
And with that, shutting out everything else
Recently I've felt like I've thought in my head how I should react to something before I do, and it's been taking out emotion from the process if that makes any sense?
But I've been feeling better. My somewhat social but not completely social nature is returning. As I listen to a bunch of songs I have I feel more emotion listening to them (and the ones I listened to to bind my personalities back together were specifically ones with strong emotions tied to them)
I actually feel mostly fine now, and I'm going to a friend's house tomorrow with a few other friends (we do movie night every Friday now) and I hope I can be more social than I have been recently
And there's been multiple times today where I felt emotion!
Normally I don't do that!
I've actually felt happy a lot recently and (surprising but also good) sad. Not sad as in depressed, that depression I said that came up was incredibly strong, but I managed to slowly clear it away over a few hours by trying to mend my mental health state with music.

Sorry if I've been talking way too much and barraging you with walls of text. I just keep finding more to say and I want to be okay. I want to feel safe.

And I feel like I have been lacking depth. I've been forgetting who I am, and what my personality is. I was feeling like I have nothing to me that makes me me.
That was because one half of my personality was in control with the other half locked away.
Now I'm like a yin-yang reformed with kintsugi. I was broken, now I'm stronger and more whole. Each part of me has evils, they cancel out. And sometimes one part is a little more in control than the other.
But they're both me.
We are one. I am us.

1. Hmmm… Well, from what you have told me and from what I myself know, I wouldn’t say that you actually have any alters. After all, alters are formed from rather serious childhood trauma, since the brain doesn’t know how else to cope with such trauma, especially at such a young age (“If there's any traumatic event here for any alter I could have, it was CAUSED by the alter if it exists.” Not how it works; the alter would have formed from preexisting trauma, and not have existed from trauma that *they* caused (because they can’t cause trauma if they can’t exist)). In addition to that, if you *did* have alters, you would, most likely, be showing the signs of actually having them. You’re putting it like your “alter(s)” simply comes out in stressful times, particularly social situations, but that’s not quite how it’d work. For example, when I experience a switch, it’s a total black-out from the time in which my alter fronted, since they were maining the body. The only way in which I can really recall any memory is if the alter chooses to share it with me, otherwise it’s mainly enclosed to them and them alone (unless they did something through text and didn’t delete the messages, I can easily read over anything they sent). If you truly did have alters, you’d have experienced black-outs, too, but it doesn’t seem like such has happened to you (“It taking control is what makes me forget how to (emotionally, physically, and mentally) safely interact with others, so I think I'm better of without whatever dark side I have that feeds me evil.” From what you’re telling me, you’re still aware of everything that’s going on when you’re “alter” is fronting when, in reality, you wouldn’t be aware at all, unless you were co-fronting, though the fact that you haven’t seemed to have a single black-out makes it seem as though you really don’t have an actual alter). And you’re saying this “alter” doesn’t really actually have a… personality? Well, since alters are basically people living inside one’s head, they *should* have a personality, hobbies, likes/dislikes, etc.. I know mine do. If anything, it sounds to me like you have nothing more than very out-of-control intrusive thoughts.
[Continued in Next Comment // Comment 2.]

2. However, if you believe otherwise, I would suggest trying to contact this “alter” and seeing if they’re actually there. Don’t force yourself into believing you have one, don’t make your mind come up with a voice and words for them, don’t try and do any of that. Just see if you can actually hear something, feel something, if there *is* something. Still, I’m convinced it’s not an alter, since the information you’re giving me doesn’t quite seem to match how an alter would typically be. No black-outs. No true personality. None of that kind of stuff. And just try not to overthink it all, because working yourself up over this all isn’t going to help anything.
As for your own thoughts on the problem, I would say that you’re 50/50 on hitting the nail on the head there. No, you weren’t given two personalities who are “alters”, because mere school drama at the older ages and anxiety aren’t quite enough for the brain to form alters, because if it were that simple, a *lot* of people would have alters. However, these two personalities *are* what I would call “masks”. Masks you use to cover up your true self in order to deal with different situations, which makes me see as to how you’d be concerned over having an alter, because alters *are* there to deal with different situations, though in a much more complex manner. Hence, all in all, I would say that these aren’t actual “alters”. Instead, they’re mere intrusive thoughts and masks formed by yourself in order to better cope with school drama and anxiety; *not* alters. Of course, I may be wrong since I don’t have every single detail on your situation, though, for the most part, I am fairly confident in my analysis. Still, I’m glad you’ve found some coping methods to help yourself and your situation, though I do believe you may be, excuse me if I sound rude… over-exaggerating your situation. I know you’re frightened and all, but through that, you’re over-exaggerating, thus working yourself up and further confusing yourself.
[Continuation in Next Comment // Comment 3.]

3. Just try and take things one step at a time, instead of rushing to conclusions and believing you do have an “alter”. I’m not trying to be rude, just honest and open, because a lot of people do, unfortunately, fake having alters, which is rather annoying, especially since alters are formed from serious and life-long-affecting trauma. Alters aren’t there to be friends and keep you company, like how most people who fake them see them as, they’re there to help you deal with trauma and be less affected by it (my one ex even started faking it, and they fake it so badly that I can’t help but laugh at them- I mean, they literally claim to have Satan himself as an alter 😂 r/IAmVeryBadAss, eh?). No matter, I’m very glad to be of help to you and your situation.
Also, I’m sorry for taking so long to respond. I had a lot of projects to catch up on in school, hence that took up a lot of my time and concentration.

Now, in regards to your list of questions:
Can you tell me what it's like to have alters?
I just did, for the most part, and going into all the details would be a lot of words and rather difficult to explain, since it’s a complex subject in itself.

Can you swap at will?
Yes, we can, and they also often front when the host is becoming disturbed by traumatic flashbacks and such. For example, when I was having a hard time in my one class due to it dealing with some stuff that brought back bad memories, my one alter fronted and did that section of work for me, so that I wouldn’t be affected by it, because alters are meant to help the host.

Can you talk to them?
Of course! However, how long communication takes in a system can vary from system to system.

Can you feel their presence when it's "your turn?" Or is it sometimes yes sometimes no?
What does it feel like when they take over?
It’s just a black-out, as said before. Still, I can feel their presence, yes, and there is a bit of a specific feeling when they’re fronting, though it’s hard to explain. I mean, it’s just the feeling of dissociating, really; becoming woozy and such.

What is the mental dynamic between you all?
I’m not quite sure as to how to explain that, nor what you’re asking.

Do you pass control back and forth? Or is it like driving a car where there are multiple front seats?
In terms of using a car for this example, it’s like this:
The host is the driver, in the front seat, and the alters are in the backseat, not having any control over the driving, but yet being there and watching out from behind. However, an alter can also be in the passenger seat, right up front, so that host and alter are “co-fronting” (however, this can happen between alters, too, whereas the alters can front together, in a way). As for the trunk, I’d say that’s best described as where the host goes when not fronting themselves, as an alter takes the front seat instead (again, due to the black-outs). But, the trunk can *also* be a place for alters, when they go dormant.

2
Maybe I wear these masks not only to protect others from me, but also me from myself
I'm very impulsive at times, and in social situations I have a habit of lapsing control, basically, and not thinking before I act, just acting off of thoughts in my head
Maybe these masks protect me from that impulsiveness
Then, however, I am shattered into multiple pieces which have significant problems because the parts of me that cancel out those problems are dormant
Though, yes, the host part of me doesn't ever release complete control, that doesn't mean I don't co-front
I feel like that all the time with the mask thing you mentioned, like the masks are there to protect me from making mistakes in certain situations
But what you said about trying to feel another presence within, I have
When my intrusive thoughts are yelling at me, I feel this... energy, this feeling
I have felt it at times with no intrusive thoughts
And I always feel like it uses my own brainpower to think about what thoughts to feed me, or just to thin anything
I can feel those thoughts that my other side has
And they're really unrefined, I just know it's there, thinking, and can feel it's energy signature.
But it's rare, only showing up a few times a day at most.
Maybe there's a part of me that's more than just a mask but less than an alter that causes my intrusive thoughts and the thought energy
It would make sense they're less than an alter because they haven't taken full control yet, but they also aren't just a mask - they can give me thoughts and fight for control where the other makes just suppress parts of me and change my thought process
And they've been in me for over a year, my intrusive thoughts aren't new, but stronger than they ever were and WAY more often
The masks started only 4 to 6 months ago
And though they do their job, they might do it a little too well
The one I have for school takes all emotion out of me and kinda puts itself on, and fights to stay there
Because I can't hurt anyone else, or me, if I don't feel the emotions of my deep, dark, yet darker piece that feeds me thoughts that aren't socially acceptable

3
I feel like what I've been doing recently has been defiance of my masks. Like, I resist their presence and their control over my personality, and re-bind them to who I am, instead of being a shattered, broken, divided mess who doesn't know who they even are other than "I like games"

1
Thank you you all the information.
And it's OK that it took you a bit to respond, it gave me some time to reflect on myself and my questions, and try to figure a few things out.

I think you're right about the masks, because it has felt like that a lot. People at my school stress me out so much and I can't deal with it. But the weird part is that sure, the part of me that feeds me intrusive thoughts and acts very weird doesn't have much personality or cause blackouts, but I think the mask part of me is trying to become dominant over my personality.
I wore it by choice at first, just hiding my emotions, becoming reclusive, and not talking to people
But now it likes being in control, it's comfortable
Like how I feel naked without my vest or face mask because they cover more of my body and put more between me and other people
And it doesn't really have a personality either
Maybe the mask I'm wearing is a hollow shell of who I used to be and my intrusive thoughts are the rest?
Neither are whole, they are just pieces. Only together do they become something greater than the sum of its parts.
The problem is, the mask doesn't want to be taken off...
I think the reason music is an effective coping mechanism is because it helps the emotions break through my mask and let me take it off
Because I've been trying to think about my personality recently and I came up empty
Then I managed to take off the mask, and "blend" the empty shell and what used to fill it
I remember who I am
I remember what I like
I remember emotions(I forgot how good they feel)
I remember me
And I'm realizing now that when I exit one situation (like leaving xbox chat with my friends and logging off, or exiting a classroom that doesn't have friends in it and going to one that does) it actually feels like I'm taking off a mask and becoming a somewhat different person, but still with the same center.
And only in times like now, where I'm alone and it's late, am I the real me
I'm decently exhausted and the circus in my head has calmed down, and I'm listening to old music from my life that has strong feelings attached to suppress my masks
And I didn't have any traumatic childhood events, unless my near death by a broken skull counts

1. I see, I see… I believe that you’ve done nothing more than perhaps… change your personality in order to better deal with the drama and stress, no? From there, you ended up becoming kind of… split between your actual personality, and the one you changed into being when dealing with stress and such (the mask). Now, however, you’re caught up between your true self and the mask, and I believe this whole thing is you having trouble accepting this mask, and the fact that you’ve been using it so much to deal with the stress that it’s kind of completely covering up your actual personality (which, in turn, leaves you feeling confused and concerned). After all, as you yourself put it: “But now it likes being in control, it's comfortable”. You’ve become so utterly used to masking up your actual personality in order to deal with everything that you’re actually having a difficult time separating the two anymore, and you don’t like it, no matter how comfortable that mask may seem. “The problem is, the mask doesn't want to be taken off…”, which is because, once again, you’ve become too used to wearing it. Too comfortable and close with it. All in all, I would say that this is definitely a mask situation, instead of an alter one. I mean, just take a look at what you said here: “And I'm realizing now that when I exit one situation (like leaving xbox chat with my friends and logging off, or exiting a classroom that doesn't have friends in it and going to one that does) it actually feels like I'm taking off a mask and becoming a somewhat different person, but still with the same center. And only in times like now, where I'm alone and it's late, am I the real me” Your mask is put on in stressful situations, as we’ve already concluded, but it immediately comes off in non-stressful situations. Hence, most definitely a mask, instead of an alter. As a matter of fact, I believe you worded it better than I ever could, right here: “Neither are whole, they are just pieces. Only together do they become something greater than the sum of its parts.” The mask is simply a piece of you, not a whole other distinct person within yourself and, due to that mask being a piece of you, it does feel a lot more whole when you put it to use, which also ties into “I feel like that all the time with the mask thing you mentioned, like the masks are there to protect me from making mistakes in certain situations”.
[Continuation in Next Comment // Comment 2.]

2. And that’s because you’ve made these masks to do just that; protect yourself in certain situations. Now, in regards to your “When my intrusive thoughts are yelling at me, I feel this... energy, this feeling” and “It would make sense they're less than an alter because they haven't taken full control yet, but they also aren't just a mask - they can give me thoughts and fight for control where the other makes just suppress parts of me and change my thought process
And they've been in me for over a year, my intrusive thoughts aren't new, but stronger than they ever were and WAY more often
The masks started only 4 to 6 months ago”, I would say that such feelings are normal with intrusive thoughts. I mean, I have intrusive thoughts myself, and so I can safely say that I, too, often feel an “energy/feeling” there, but every thought gives us some feeling, though it’s just that intrusive thoughts bring on rather strong ones (because they’re rather strong thoughts). However, as somebody with actual alters, I can also safely say that, no, the “energy/feeling” associated with the intrusive thoughts is not like what it is with alters. It’s a complicated thing to explain, so I won’t go into the details, especially since this comment is already long enough. Still, yes, intrusive thoughts give us thoughts, because they *are* thoughts. Additionally, they *do* fight over control with ourselves, making us want to do bad things. They also try to get you to suppress parts of yourself and change your thought process, which is, again, due to intrusive thoughts being things that make us want to do bad things. You’re also saying that the intrusive thoughts started before the masks, but that still makes neither thing an alter. Intrusive thoughts can start at just about any age, but they’re still not the same as alters. And the masks, they’re not your intrusive thoughts, and so, yes, you made them later than you had intrusive thoughts. Hence, in short and overall, you don’t have any alters and, as I said before, just very out-of-control intrusive thoughts, and the masks you made to protect yourself in stressful situations. That is all.

I do actually have a few new questions because something really weird just happened
That feeling you described of blacking out that relates to alter swapping? I just felt it. My vision went dark and I felt somewhat weightless - and I didn't get up too fast or anything, I had been sitting in bed for an hour.
Does this mean something?
Or is it just a random occurrence?
After it happened I didn't really feel like an alter was fronting or anything, but I did feel a little different.
Also, if this is important, when I'm tired I hear voices?
I know that my intrusive thoughts aren't an alter because I didn't have childhood trauma (unless you count a nearly fatal head wound when I was six) and I have never really lost control but I have, at times, felt like I was significantly different from my normal self, but I've never had memory loss.
Are there things between alters and masks that can cause you to change somewhat but remember it? Because I have felt like I'm having a somewhat out of body experience before acting a bit out of the norm.
And when I talked about going from voice chat gaming to my normal life, I didn't lose memories but felt SERIOUSLY weird as I went from perky and chatty to more quiet and thoughtful.
Is there a way to have alters without memory loss?
Ugh, I'm so confused I don't know right from wrong at this point.
Also, can you explain the differences between intrusive thoughts and alters?

I'm sorry if it feels like I'm fighting with your answers, I just don't know anything and I'm so confused. Alters and masks are just so similar. I know I have a mask or two, but I also feel like I possibly have a less severe alter or two?
Because in some situations I know I changed myself to protect myself, and suppressed my emotions for months, but in others I feel like I act somewhat significantly different, but I don't need to protect myself. I don't need a mask to talk to my gaming friend, I made it for school drama, he's not even at my school, we've been friends for half our lives.

Thank you so much for helping me understand myself.
Since I've had this conversation, I feel I've actually been able to start taking off my masks and putting the pieces of me back together. They're very good at suppressing emotions, but if I put myself in places where I feel very strong emotions, I can start taking them off.
I want to live a happy life. And I can't do that with these masks on that suppress me.
I think they came into play because the intrusive thoughts were seeping into my personality and changing who I am, so I cut myself into pieces to hold on to my personality, and keep it safe from being subsumed into the intrusive thoughts.
And I wasn't smart enough or strong enough to push the intrusive thoughts away, and they kept causing me to make mistakes, some of which were pretty bad.
Again, thank you SO MUCH for helping me understand myself. I can already feel drastic changes, and I've been taking off the masks more and more. I also understand the intrusive thoughts side of me, and I can keep it from trying to put itself on me like a mask, and I can keep the energy I feel from being allowed to feed me intrusive thoughts.
It's like the energy I feel from my thoughts are becoming an alarm bell that I need to mentally prepare, and make sure I don't allow this part of me to cause mistakes and hurt my life.
Thank you so much.

All right, I have found some time to get back to you this lovely Saturday morning, so let’s see what I can unbox here for you. So, to start things off, I’d say that the “blacking out” thing you experienced wasn’t anything big. Of course, I’m no psychologist or anything, though I do believe it might just be your brain reading over what I’m saying and going, “Oh, I can do that, too!”. The brain has a knack of doing that, after all. For example, I have a friend who suffers from twitches and, while my other friend doesn’t, they’ll sometimes twitch when the other friend twitches, because the brain is like, “I can do that, too.” (at least that’s what I was told, though I do believe it to make sense). What further backs that up is that you never experienced a black-out before, only having something similar to it upon me telling you about it (and even then, it wasn’t an actual black-out). As for voices, you can’t really control them. Alters will talk when they want to talk, and they might be a silent type, talkative type, or anything else in-between. No matter, bringing up the point of your head wound is rather interesting… l mean, I dare be so bold to assume that such a near-fatality with the head might mess with the brain from how it would normally function. It’s a very complex thing, after all, and so such an injury may mess with it a little. Maybe that’s why you seem to change so suddenly, all without showing any actual signs of having alters? After all, as I said before, switches really don’t allow you to keep the memory of the time in which the alter was fronting, unless the alter decides to share that information with you. Now, in regards to the difference between intrusive thoughts and alters, it’s quite simple. Intrusive thoughts are mere thoughts that are, well, intrusive (hence you don’t want them to be there, but they’re there and can pop up at just about any time, and are often repetitive with their appearance). As for alters, they don’t just randomly pop up. They’re pretty much always within a host’s headspace, and instead of being mere thoughts, they’re more-so actual people with personalities, hobbies, likes/dislikes, and other such things. Anyways, I myself believe you’ve figured it out pretty well. No alters, just masks and intrusive thoughts that have gotten out of control due to your ignorance to their existence, since they had merged so well with yourself over all that time.

I’m very grateful for having had the opportunity to assist you in regards to your mental health. Take good care of yourself, all right?

Thank you for all the help, and letting me understand myself. I'm glad to understand who and what I really am, and know what the heck is going on in my head. And I've been able to heal and have actually been feeling normal emotions again!
And what you said about holding on so tight that my hands bleed made me realize that there was no benefit to holding on, and no reason I couldn't just let go. I talked to a teacher about the school drama and feel a lot better about myself and shouldn't be bothered by other students anytime soon.
I'll try to keep myself this way- healthy.

Thank you for caring about my problems and helping me with them.

Of course; I'm always happy to be of help! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) I'm also happy to hear that you've been able to figure yourself out, too, as well as find ways to feel better! From here, I wish you the best of luck and wishes, as well as hope you're able to stay happy and healthy *^____^* Unfortunately, however, I'm rarely on this site anymore, hence, if you would like to keep in touch, I would hereby suggest finding me on Pixilart.

Alright, thx

I see all of your replies to me, don't worry, and I'll do my best with getting you your answers as soon as possible! However, school has gotten in my way via a sudden boatload of work, hence I'm just way too drained of energy to give you clear answers or anything else of the sort ~(>_<。)＼ I mean, my sleep schedule is super choppy because of how my schoolwork has been literally taking up so much of my time, and my energy is hitting rock bottom, so I constantly feel like passing out (I even feel such a way right now, which is why this comment might be hard to read). For those reasons, I'm going to be taking a break, though I may be able to reply to you on the weekend, though I wouldn't get my hopes up on that if I were you. Who knows, I might even disappear for another whole month, though I'll definitely be gone until I get school and all of this work under control, because I am seriously beat and just in need of some time to myself in order to get everything together 😭
Thanks for understanding; you have my best regards and wishes whilst I'm away. Stay strong and positive, friend ♥
See you soon, hopefully, and please don’t worry about me (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Alright, stay safe
I understand being at your limit, I hope you have a very relaxing break
And thank you for everything so far, you've been a real help
You let me discover a viable and effective coping mechanism for my mental health issues, and I've been able to work on fixing myself

I also might have figured it out once and for all- no alters, but I separated my personality into pieces so I could stop the impulsive parts of me from making so many bad decisions and corrupting me as a whole
But because it was in pieces I became volatile, so I made the mask to hide and suppress every emotion and problem behind it, and now it's hard to take off, but I'm working on it
Thank you so much, you saved my mental health

Thanks.
Knowing my limits is useful, especially when I know that I have such far away limits that if I see the light at the end of the tunnel I can just go into a frenzy until I get to that light and collapse on the floor, laughing, because I did it. I made it.

Yeah, my normal schooling experience has been working fine thus far, my lowest grade is a B+, I'm just introverted and don't like talking to most people, especially in large groups. But if I'm in a group project with 6 people or so, that's pretty enjoyable, as long as I don't end up doing ALL OF THE WORK.

Thankfully, I feel like the dark fog within me has cleared up a lot, and is no longer poisoning my thoughts and hurting me. I'm glad that for you, your alter is actually really useful now. I have been doing a lot more of what I enjoy and I think that's why my dark side has backed off a lot, but I can't imagine what would happen if it wanted control. My alter is similar to a player in undertale doing a genocide run - the main character slowly loses their sanity from all the darkness you feed into them and become evil. That's also why I'm not finishing my genocide and I'm resetting and never going back to genocide. Why would a child with intrusive thoughts and a psychopathic alter give a game child a psychopathic alter and intrusive thoughts?

I'm really hoping it doesn't come back, and it doesn't break me. It already takes all my conscious effort to resist it, so much so that I'm more focused on fighting it than enjoying my life. If it breaks me, I will become a dangerous person.
My alter wants to ruin my life. It tells me to yell swears and slurs at my friends, and make them not my friends anymore.
That's on a good day.
It basically finds the best way to make others hurt emotionally and tells me to do it.
If it's a bad day, it wants pain. It likes pain. It loves my pain especially, but others hurting still feeds it.
When I started my genocide run in undertale I let my alter take the lead. I laughed with humor and pleasure as I killed my friends, and gave NOTHING a second thought or regret. In real life, I would have regrets from killing people, but I would also enjoy it, and that's what scares me. I would feel a dark form of happiness
I'm very glad it's been gone recently. I really hope it doesn't come back stronger.
I have been legitimately (almost) fine in that respect, and only had very rare intrusive thoughts, but it can always get worse. I fear that others will bring this back to my surface.

It was slowly going away before spring break started, and then it sunk back down to the depths of my subconscious and went back to sleep. I need to stay away from large groups of people, or I fear that there will be people in those large groups who will awaken it.
If one of the people involved in my drama (which I have many things in my defence for - manipulation, confusion, social immaturity, a two year lapse of interaction, and... this...
but I won't do anything of the like again, I have learned) ends up in my may term class, I feel like I'm gonna have a bad time. May term is basically four weeks doing an elective all day with a smaller than normal class, though two of those weeks you spend half of each day summarizing what you've done for school that year. If I have to deal with a dramatic person being close to me for four weeks...
There are gonna be some problems.
And, to use your beautiful analogy, I'll be holding on so tight that I will bleed.
And if I let go, I will have little control where I fall.
All I know so far is a teacher I'm personally friends with will be teaching it.

That may have been a lot, but I'm very glad and proud of you for being able to get that all out ( ´･･)ﾉ(._.`)

In regards to your own alter, it seems as though they're one of the alters who kind of... take on the form of past abusers, using past traumas against the host? The alter I mentioned before, he was like that, too, though I do believe he was merely doing it as a way to kind of protect me? However, he didn't know that it was actually harmful and, in that blindness, he ended up causing a lot of harm, that of which ended up backfiring on him and, in turn, filling him with enough guilt to make him actually begin to turn his life around and learn how to be an actual protector. Still, I somewhat blame myself for his actions, since I feel as though I had been governing his life too much, as I was a rather clueless host, having first confronted and having first learned about my alters and their existence, thus leaving me with little experience on what to do or how to live with them. Now, that brings me to my point of you needing to just... try and actually guide your own alter down the right path, if and when they ever come back. Besides, if you do look at it from their perspective, you'd probably feel destructive and wanting to cause harm to others if you, too, were being constantly shut out and ignored by your own system.

Anyways, what I would say would be most helpful is just bringing positive people into your alter's life, since that helped with my own alter's change into being a better person. After all, it helped him learn about other people's morals, which helped him build upon and better his own and, throughout that all, he even ended up meeting his now-husband (❁´◡`❁) However, I also suggest getting to learn a bit about themself; make them discover more about themself, especially the less destructive parts and their hobbies.

Also, if things ever get too bad with your alter, the brain may actually form an alter that's not meant to help the host, but, instead, meant to help with the alter, since alters aren't meant to be so utterly destructive to the body (since they are formed from trauma and meant to help deal with it). That actually happened with me and the aforementioned protector alter, which ended up being another thing that helped him get onto the right track because, now, the alter that formed to help with him now has a father-child bond with the protector alter, and so it's actually a bit of a system family now.

Thank you.

There's a weird thing with me though - I don't feel like there's another person in my head with their own thoughts and feelings, rather I feel I have deeper parts of my brain that enjoy pain in a way that hurts but is satisfying. And it's only towards social relationships.
I don't really have trauma, either. I have good parents, a good, stabile life, and...
drama at school...

Okay, maybe these thoughts do have something to do with all the things people have said about me, but I don't really feel like I have a true alter, and I've never felt like control has been taken from me (though there have been times where I'll enter a social situation and act a bit different than I normally would, which generally happens when I talk about dirty things or there is physical contact, but whenever that happens...
let's just say that's why I have drama at school
you don't have to be scared of what I've done, I just really don't feel like explaining all the problems I had at that time specifically and why I was so confused when stuff happened)
I just feel like there are dark seeds in my mental setup, like I have a tooth cavity only it's sociopathic and in my mind
I don't really feel like I have an alter, is there something else that could be going on with me?
Whenever there have been times where I feed the dark part of me that wants me to act wild and carefree, I always think to myself "this is wrong. my friends don't like this. if I keep acting this way they'll dislike me because my actions are kinda crazy and I don't think I should be this close to people
It's like I know what I'm doing is wrong, and I decide not to act in this way, to suppress this immature side of my personality
And I also don't feel like I have an alter because there isn't anything there. Like, there's no personality, no hobbies, no loves, just a piece of me that likes suffering and tells me how I can do it
Such as something it told me to tell a person I enjoy the presence of today: "f*** off h*e"
and I don't don't know what the third word in there means
But maybe there is a little more to it than I think, because normally a slur would be used there but it's like, my mind started to think f*** off n but I thought "please no n word" and even though I never have any control over these thoughts, it changed to not be racist

Do I not have an alter? Do I have an alter? Do I know myself well enough to know I don't have one? Am I overthinking this?

Maybe I just don't want to think about this as an alter because I don't want an alter
I don't want to share a body, this is my body
I am me, I am not two of me, three of me, there is just one me! I just want to be me!
And the weirdest part is, recently I've been pondering some things
What if...
What if I'm the alter?
What if I'm some nb spirit possessing a dude?

w h a t i f i ' m t h e o n e w h o d o e s n ' t b e l o n g

Whenever I think about that I want to cry!
I just want to be alone! I want this part of me to go away! I JUST WANT MY OWN LIFE!!
And... yes... the thoughts...
they have r e t u r n e d...
But here's the thing, they only talked to me twice today
also, unrelated to today but sometimes I have to fight with myself to imagine something, like if I imagine a pole and imagine cutting it, then want to imagine it not being cut my mind won't let me, it'll just keep putting it back, changing my thought
Or I'll think about going down a path on roller skates and for some reason giant crevices appear in the path

Can you tell me what it's like to have alters?
Can you swap at will?
Can you talk to them?
Can you feel their presence when it's "your turn?" Or is it sometimes yes sometimes no?
What does it feel like when they take over?
What is the mental dynamic between you all?
Do you pass control back and forth? Or is it like driving a car where there are multiple front seats?

I would really rather not have alters because I have insecurity (I think the term is), anxiety, and LOTS of self doubt (I mean I CONSTANTLY second guess myself), and I feel so... weak. There are even times where I feel like I don't have a sense of "me" at all.
If there are others in here...
I will most likely lose all sense of who I am. I will probably become depressed (but hey, numbed to pain at least), and grow incredibly distant from... everyone!
I'll feel like there's no point to go on living
(but don't worry, I won't become suicidal. I mean there might be thoughts floating around but I would never actually do it, that's a direct violation of who I am. even if I do have alters, no sense of individuality, and severe depression, there would be one thing to unite us
We don't give up. Ever. Period. End of story.
It is a direct violation of what makes me ME (or what makes us US)
I am the embodiment of perseverance
My immediate reaction to problems anywhere in my life is "shrug it off. I can take it. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger, and I've made it this far."

So please, can you tell me everything you can about alters? I want to know literally anything you can tell me so I can know what can and can't tell me who I am
And I really want to be I, not we. I don't want to be a host, I just wanna be left alone. I wanna be me, myself, and I. I don't want to share my personal experience. I want my head to be empty. I don't want to worry about my mental health

Ugh, I'm such an idiot. None of these problems would be happening if I hadn't stopped caring and held on to thinking about what I can and can't do in social interactions last October rather than... oh no, I... d i d m y d r a m a a p p e a r b e c a u s e i p a s s e d c o n t r o l

If there's any traumatic event here for any alter I could have, it was CAUSED by the alter if it exists. It taking control is what makes me forget how to (emotionally, physically, and mentally) safely interact with others, so I think I'm better of without whatever dark side I have that feeds me evil.
I get what you're saying about passing control, but whenever I do what feels like I might be, something bad happens
Every mistake I've ever made in a social setting can be tracked back to my dark side, so if it is a whole nother personality, there is probably nothing there but evil. It is what encourages me to let go (and it's made worse because I have tourrets syndrome which I have NO friking idea how to spell) and when I do let go, I always do SOMETHING to get me in trouble
Maybe they're better of in the backseat or even the trunk, because there they can't take over and ruin my life
I also want this to be my life and not anyone else's which might seem selfish but again, issues with being me and my own personality and who I am make me even more into the idea of my own personality
And I also like to put myself through scenarios in my head, like I'm rehearsing talking to people, if that's any evidence

Again, thank you so much for helping me understand who I am.
This is what I love about this place, when I think I'm losing it, people like you are here to help.
Thank you.

I think the depression that came up was like my dominant introverted personality finally letting go, and "released the other personality from the basement" and I reached an understanding between them. I started to fix myself, and opened my eyes to the thick fog of depression I was locking in a box by not feeling emotion at all. I then fought it, and parted the fog.
I'm not lying when I say I didn't fully part the fog, there's definitely still some depression there. But is it really depression at this point, or just sadness deep in my gut telling me things won't turn out okay?

Thank you for suggesting to let my personalities reach an understanding, I was scared at first because I thought it was basically "let my alter out of the basement so they can lock my dominant in the basement"
But it wasn't that.
It's like that Japanese art form where a shattered object is fused back together with golden material, to form something more beautiful and whole than ever before.

I might have been broken, but my personalities fused to form someone more beautiful and more me than ever before
Someone who finally accepts they are non-binary and not trans (because "she" was actually starting to hurt, I like "they" better)

You're right about not being able to just let one take control. It just took a long time for that to sink in.

Thank you so much, I think you gave me the key to fixing all my mental problems I've been suffering for a while
(I don't even know how long I've been suppressing my alter instead of letting us become one. We. Us. I.
Months?
...years?
...my whole life, ever since I almost died of skull damage when I was six or so?
And for reference I'm 15)

And my alter is calming down. I still feel the thick, heavy mental fog when they're about to say something, but I just think "please don't" and they go away
No more insults
No more swears
No more slurs
My head is finally quiet
And the thing where I have to fight to think, maybe I just need to use my hands
I was just fighting with myself to imagine an object and then tried projecting it onto the real world and holding parts of it
And it worked! I could imagine with full control over my thoughts!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

You're welcome! I'm glad I could feed your wondering

Most neopronouns don't really have to do with gender, they're a different way of referring to a person that that person feels happiness from.
Xenogenders are similar, yeah. For example, people who are cat gender experience gender euphoria from cat-associated things such as cat ears and "nya," however many have a masculine or feminine lean for gender.

You're welcome for helping out.
This is something I've actually put a lot of thought into, because, like you said, fictosexual and fictoromantic are valid, but some people would easily think otherwise. So there would, logically, be valid things that we could mistake for fake or mocking, and I don't wanna be that one person who tells someone else that they can't be something that makes them happy.
And, yeah, fictosexual/romantic can't hurt anyone. I mean, there's people out there who will think "since you don't like people then you won't make children and we'll go extinct," but we already have serious overpopulation issues so that doesn't matter unless a zombie apocalypse starts.
But if a zombie apocalypse starts, all bets are off. Everyone will need to make children for us to survive.

I didn't know Disney was actively working to avoid including us.
That's dumb.
But I bet it'll change soon. They used to be really racist but now they have a bunch of movies that are more inclusive like Coco and Encanto, so they can change.
But inclusive is really soothing for the soul like you said. My brain was going off with happiness when a few of the main characters of a book I was reading (who had a ton of weird stuff happening, like finding a 200 year old vault deposit encoded to only be opened with DNA from someone whose grandma hadn't been born yet) were stuck in a time loop with a pilot in a war and a space station attempting to harness power from a space hurricane and a main character (female) got a crush on the pilot (female) and sacrificed herself to the time loop, dooming the rest of her days to be lived out 200 years in the past so the others could return to the present.
It's always so awesome to learn these kinds of things

You're welcome for the recommendations!
Also, a great song by Hayley Kiyoko that idk if I mentioned - Demons
But I also don't know too many LGBT songs, it's weird. I can listen to lesbian singers, bi singers, Trans singers...
And it's kinda funny
We actually DON'T base our entire lives around being LGBT like homophobes think!

I think I understand the neopronouns and xenogender thing a lot better now, thank you 🤗 The problem is just that it's one of the less-talked-about parts of the Community, hence I never learned exactly what those were/how they worked before, even though I fully respect them and the happiness they can give a person （＞人＜；）

And, yeah, fictosexual/romantic is probably one of the least harmful sexualities because, like... what am I gonna do? Sue a company for not letting me date their character, whom of which isn't even real? 😂 It's just how my attraction naturally works, and I'm not gonna try and put that down or cage it up because, even though I had before, I'm a lot happier with embracing and accepting it for what it is, even if it is a bit lonesome at times. Still, thanks for acknowledging that it's valid, because even I, before actually looking into it and whatnot, used to think it was a mocking sexuality 😅 And even if people *are* upset over me being unable to have children, I wouldn't have them even if I *could*. I just never quite liked children, and the only kids I would ever have are adopted ones - *never* biological ones (still, I don't plan on having any children). Besides, as you said, overpopulation is enough of a problem, and that leads to even more problems, such as pollution, global warming, deforestation, etc. (and the chances of a zombie apocalypse occurring are pretty low, if you ask me).

In regards to Disney and the Community, I agree whole-heartedly with you; it's dumb of them to avoid inclusion, though it will, hopefully, change in the future.
Also, it's amazing to hear all that representation from a book! Unfortunately, I myself haven't read that many books that were LGBTQ+ inclusive, though I always have at least a few LGBTQ+ characters in my own stories and books (my dad got *so* angry at me for having so many LGBTQ+ characters once, claiming that they *all* were gay when, in reality, only, like... five characters are fully gay, which is a very small number when compared to *all* of my characters (most of whom are, yes, pan, bi, omni, demi, etc., though I still have a *lot* of straight characters, too (a whole family of four of my OC's is even fully straight)). ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

I also just listened to Hayley Kiyoko's 'Demons', and it's actually pretty good! But don't worry, I don't know many LGBTQ+ songs either, which *is* funny, because we really *don't* base our lives around being LGBTQ+, like you said!

Thanks for the help again!

You're welcome!
This stream is a great place to learn. I've learned a lot of things here and changed a lot because of what I've discovered.

You're welcome for acknowledging your being valid. I have a lot of things myself, such as a lack of dysphoria to my body (but I get an explosion of emotional torture most of the time I wear costumes and sometimes even just because I wear different styles of clothes) and these things can seem invalid so I'm glad I can support others where I sometimes feel afraid I won't be supported.

I also think I'm actually nonbinary with a slight fem lean, not demigirl or girlflux or omnigenderfluid or whatever, because I always thought if you became non-binary you couldn't change your body.
I always thought to myself "I'm not cis but I would rather be nb with fem body than masc body so I'm trans" but I now understand
no
I COMPREHEND

I'm glad you have so much representation in books of yours! I've also wrote a few books and I always make sure that if romance is present then I support everyone. I don't have as many non-binary people as I should but it is what it is, I'll work on it (I have a really cool idea for a multiversal science fantasy and my main character will have different genders, though a general fem lean).

And about not knowing many LGBT songs, thank you for recommending spectrum, I love it so much and was listening to it while writing this. It's beautiful.

Same here! I mean, I'm really glad I've gotten myself involved in this stream, because it's allowed me to actually figure myself out, as well as be comfortable with who I am, which is a really nice thing to be able to feel and live with. Still, I used to be practically clueless to this sort of stuff, not to mention a bit negative towards it all, before deciding to actually learn about it and get myself actively involved in the Community. Now, I just wish more people would make that change, because it really isn't a bad place and, in reality, it's actually a lot like a home away from home (at least for me).

In regards to your dysphoria, I'm sorry you have to deal with a lack of it, only to have that sudden onset of emotional torture when faced with certain garb. It must be an annoying thing to deal with and, as somebody who used to have real bad dysphoria, I understand what you mean. Don't get me wrong, I still *have* dysphoria, but not nearly as badly as before (which is thanks to my family finally being accepting of me), when I used to have full-on mental breakdowns due to how horrid it would get, not to mention the urge to literally do harm to myself in order to fix it (。_。) Not a fun thing to deal with at all 😅

Well, whatever you feel you are, I hope you'll always be able to feel happy with yourself \^o^/ It might take a lot of thinking, changing, and experimenting, but it'll all be worth it in the end, to find your true self and, at last, be comfortable with who you really are (❁´◡`❁) Best of luck with your own personal journey, friend ♥

I love the code you follow when you write! A very good code to follow indeed *^____^* But don't stress about not having enough representation for literally every part of the Community, because that'd be a lot of characters and work 😅 Just go with the flow and do your best to be inclusive, and that's what I do. Now, I have two transgender characters, a bunch of ones who identify as something other than straight, *and* an agender one (that of whom is actually a demigod of sorts, and cannot even physically hold a gender. I mean, they're basically just a cloud of black fog that can shift into a human (or anything else, for that matter, whether it be an animal or a cup of tea), hence they don't even have blood in their body. Or bones. Or organs. Or anything else. They're literally just shape-shifting fog, though I love them with all my heart).

As for the song, I'm glad you enjoyed it! ヾ(≧▽≦*)o

Thanks again!

You're welcome!

I definitely agree, it would be awesome for more people to have experiences with the community like this stream. I only spend a short time every day on here, but almost always learn something new.

As to my personal journey, I started a few years ago in sixth grade when I started feeling the want to not be cis.
Now, every time I think about how I'm NB I feel so happy. Even happier than when I became Trans somehow.

Ooh a shape-shifting fog? That's so cool!
(*gets dead by daylight vibes*)
I love the idea of not being able to have a gender.
And sure, I don't have to always represent everyone, but I want to try. I even have a character who's aroace, but I might not specifically mention it. Maybe I'll just give her platonic love or reintroduce her to her best friends.

I'm glad you do agree! (^人^) I, too, learn something new just about every day, which I find really interesting and entertaining o((>ω< ))o

Aw, I'm glad you found your happiness! I love hearing other's personal little happy stories with how they found themselves, because it's always just so wholesome and sweet []~(￣▽￣)~*

Ye ye, shape-shifting fog :3 However, their name is 'Atezaina' ('Ate' for short, pronounced 'At-E') it means 'Gatekeeper' in another language and, since this character is a bit of a gatekeeper to the afterlife, I decided to give them that name), just so you know and we don't have to keep referring to them via 'shape-shifting fog' 😅 I also included an image of what they look like for you (their black eyes and contrasting white hair are to represent good and evil, since they are a demigod/holy being who represents such things) O(∩_∩)O
And you have an aroace character, too? :0
Atezaina is actually aroace themself (Well, they actually can't feel any emotions or feelings whatsoever, which includes love because, if they did, they might feel bad for or fall for those who they have to help bring to the afterlife, which might cause complications and keep them from sending the spirits on their way)!

I'm glad I could share my story with you! I agree, the stories people have to share can be so beautiful to listen to, I'm glad I could give you an experience like that!

That is one of the coolest aroace agender stories I've ever heard! I'm loving Ate, they are so cool!

Haha, thank you once again 😅 Due to Atezaina's particular form of dialect, it certainly is quite the task to do nothing more than write up a few lines of text for a singular character but, hey, that's just who Ate is, and so I'll be sure to follow their character through and through, just so that they can stay true to their character instead of slip up because of their writer being too lazy to write proper dialogue.
I never thought of morals in that sense, though you are certainly correct; the worst problems in history are caused through personal bias, hence being able to put your emotions aside would, most likely, be quite the benefit when sorting through your morals. Perhaps that is what makes Ate so intelligent. Not for them being a demigod in the flesh, but for just being able to have a clear mind that goes unaffected by emotions. A very interesting take, thank you for bringing such a thing to light.

You're welcome!
And I'm glad your committing to making sure the dialect is uniform and fitting for his character.
Yeah, maybe that is why he's so smart.

Thank you! I myself love Atezaina's character, though their stolidity is always made up for via knowledge and morals, since they can answer just about any question one has due to their status of an all-knowing and powerful being, as well as have very clear and good-natured morals. Still, it's actually a bit humorous because, in the book they're in, the end has the two main characters fighting nearly to the death, meanwhile Ate is there, just like:
"I know I can't feel anything towards y'all trying to kill each other, but I also know you shouldn't be doing this :\" (They actually speak a lot like Shakesphere and other such people, since they use words like 'thy' and 'thee' and just very advanced vocabulary overall, that of which makes it difficult to even understand them half the time, though I don't feel like trying to write that like how Atezaina would actually say it because, boy oh boy, is Atezaina's dialect complicated ಥ_ಥ)

Ooh, complicated dialects sound fun
That's so funny how the main characters are trying to kill each other and they're all like "...ok"
In a way I envy them for not feeling anything. It Let's you keep such a level head and have perfect morales or close to them.
I wonder what that would be like in real life

Though the complicated dialect *is* fun to write, as well as allows for me to further my vocabulary, it's not all too fun to *actually* write, which is because I have to look up the most complex synonyms to simple words and make sure they fit the sentence well (and it takes about fifteen minutes to even do so, since they make simple dialogue so long and complicated) 😭 For example, instead of a simple:
"It's raining cats and dogs."
Atezaina would say:
"Thee empyrean at this hour, it strikes me as being one that which pelts thy sphere in which we incessantly sojourn with Canis Lupus Familiaris and Felis Catus. In all respects, it is quite thee outré state of affairs, is it not?"
And that alone took about twenty minutes for me to put together 😅
Still, even though they can't feel emotions and, for the most part, stay put in the sidelines during the fight, they *do* at least seperate the two main characters and keep them from *actually* killing each other, since Ate knows that allowing such a thing to go on when they're right there is immoral. However, the two do end up fighting again after Ate reveals some new information to the one and, since Ate sees as to how there's no point in separating them due to the fact that they'll not stop until either the other is dead or they reach peace between themselves, they stop trying to do anything about it altogether, because they know the situation will resolve itself and that they have no business intruding on the other two, since the whole fight, in the first place, occurred over some very serious stuff that is best left to the main characters. All in all, I would say that it wouldn't feel like anything in real life, since Ate genuinely can't feel any emotions whatsoever (if the emotions are strong enough, they actually *can*, but said emotions exist only very briefly, like a candle flame against a strong wind). Instead, they just follow their morals, which are very close to them and the only things they really have to follow, since they don't have anything else.

The process you go through to write write dialect...
I like it and I applaud you for being able to do that a lot. I don't know if I could write like that.

I wish I could be more like that sometimes, when I give moral things actual serious thought I always push emotions aside and try to look at it from all angles, and see all the ways people could see it to reach what I call "true comprehension."
Because, throughout history, the worst problems are caused through personal bias, so if you push emotions aside when giving serious thought to something, you are free from bias.
I love how he doesn't feel anything and just follows his morals.

oh lord look at him

DGFHSHD IM GOING FERAL