y/n and gaster platonic relationshipppppp

It was a clear and perfect night at 3:00 in the morning I was walking home to get my stuff since I had to run away from home due to the abuse and suicidal thoughts. As I was walking home from the building I had tried to jump off of. I had taken a shortcut down an alleyway (shortcuts were my specialty)

You explain too much in the first few seconds. Let the reader imagine answers and then show them why in a conflict or reflection later. Very descriptive though. 6.7/10

oh there's ,ore to this humanly-

Wtf is ,ore? Sorry.

*more (stupid comma)

I know. It’s just explaining a lot of the exposition in the first few pages is a way that you lose a chance at drama and suspense later. That’s just my opinion though. You do you.

k

(NOTE THIS IS STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS!)

5 hours ago..