I've heard "come back with a warrant"

HUH HUH UH HUH HUH

ayo?

Where have you been? Lol

sh*t louder

*plays taco bell theme*

bro, sounds like something my friend would do

occupied

Here's what I suggest you say:

Hi welcome to Pete's Pizza and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday's loss is tomorrow's sauce.

that's better for phone calls

ik, but it still would work tho

o_O

lol, why do I get the feeling I have scarred you

You should say "You dare challenge me mortal?" in an imposing voice and then growl as loud as possible

"Oh, thank god you're here."

Have fun with it

i have no idea

I've used this on LOL!

I don't know about answering, but whenever someones in there and I have to go I usually just grab my handy dandy log and yell "FBI OPEN UP!" and bust the door open with the log. I found that it works most of the times.

It's locked
shut up

Hold on I’m eating or occupied or just throw a turd

"come on in bro, the waters green!"

I just finish my business without saying anything. Who knocks on a public restroom that's locked? Usually you try the door, see it's locked and wait.

yeah that's what I do, but then it's just awkward silence

Are you talking about a bathroom with multiple stalls or just one door?