ATLAS; LHCb; *discovers Higgs boson*; *Wages epic war with CMS*; "Uh could you turn down the luminosity it dazzles me"; *fills PDG and that's it*; *has a fancy logo*; "Noooo the b quark is very important too"; *has to steal Alice's work because has no purpose*; *Only sees forward*; *thinks it is better that everyone*; *asks to "prove your dedication" with a shitty QT*