Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

Sunshine: *Looks around whimpering.*
Jake: *eye turns into a spotlight and looks around.*

*Pump recites the script* Pump: This is literally only the foyer.

Sunshine: Okay *Waits.*

*The safety bar raises*
Ghost Host and Pump: They have selected you to fill our quota, and they'll haunt you until you return!

Sunshine: *Stomach Rumbles.*

Pump: There's a little aftershow. Hurry back! Hurry back! Be sure to bring your death certificate, if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now. We've been 'dying' to have you

Sunshine: Okay I'm feeling a little hungry

Pump: There's some places to eat here in New Orleans. There's the Blue Bayou over by Pirates and Cafe Orleans

Sunshine: I would like the Blue Bayou

Pump: OK, then afterwards we'll go on Pirates, since the restaurant is attached to the ride.

Sunshine: Okay
Jake: I like yer taste

*Pump looks up the menu* Lot of options...

Jake: It's okay this is only the intro
Sunshine: Okay

Pump: That was the preshow before the preshow. *They enter the stretching room* Look at the portraits.

Sunshine: *Sees the one with the fishing hook and chuckles.*
Jake: I'd hate to be the one getting the wedgy

Pump: *laughs* What ride are you guys on? There's Alexander Nitrokoff, about to be blown up by dynamite. *The room continues stretching* Then there's Sally Slater, who's about to be eaten by an alligator. Then there's Constance Hatchaway, who's sitting atop of George, her 5th husband, who she murdered. Well, she murder all her husbands, but... *Sonic interrupts* Sonic: You're in the stretching room, I see. Pump: Yes we are! Now let me finish my little monologue! *They both hang up* Finally, there's a man sitting on top of a man sitting on a man, and they are about to drown in quicksand. *Just as Pump finishes talking, the cupola is lit and thunder is heard* Pump: And if you look at the ceiling now, the ghost host has hung himself.

Sunshine: That is kind of dark
Jake: *Sighs.* I know that it is.

Pump and the Ghost Host: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you prematurely, the real chills are later. Now, as they say, "Look alive" and you will be taken into your royal carriage! *They enter the changing portrait hallway* Pump: First, there's the Aging Man, a handsome man changes into a dead corpse. Then there's the Werecat Lady, a beautiful woman turns into a white tiger, next, there's the Black Prince, a knight and his horse turn into skeletons, and then there's Medusa, who changes from her human form into her Gorgon form. *breathes* Next, there's the Flying Dutchman, a pirate ship changes into a ghost version of itself. And then finally, the latest portrait to be added, April-December, a young lady, representing April, who morphs into a decrepit old woman, representing December.

Jake: Ladies first.
Sunshine: *Goes in first.*
Jake: *Goes in after her.*

Both: Yes

Cast Member: 3 to a Doom Buggy, 3, 3. *Pump gets on the same Doom Buggy as them*

Sunshine: *Is waiting anxiously.*
Jake: *Puts his arm around her.*

Pump and Ghost Host: Do not lower the safety bar, please! I will lower it for you.

Sunshine: *Feels slightly more sick.*

Pump and Ominous Voice: Dead men tell no tales. *They continue repeating it*

*Hugs pump shaking.*

Davy Jones: Ahahahaha! Aye, but tales there be aplenty in this cursed place.

Is this place actually cursed?

*Pump laughs* No.
Ominous Voice: Dead men tell no tales.

Sunshine: Ahem I am a women

Pump: "Men" refers to both genders.
Davy Jones: Aye, but they do tell tales. So says I, Davy Jones.

Ominous Voice: Dead men tell no tales...

Oh...Who is Davy Jones?

Sunshine: What do you recommend?

Pump: Uh... There's a lot of good options. Personally, I'll take the Jambalaya.

Sunshine: I'll have that thing you mentioned.

Pump: OK.

Sunshine: *Waits for the food.*

*Waiter arrives*
Waiter: My name is Jake.
*Pump laughs because the waiter's name is Jake*
Waiter Jake: What's so funny? Anyways, can I get y'all started with something to drink?
Pump: I'll take a Mint Julep.
Waiter Jake: Would you like to add a glow cube?
Pump: No, thanks.

Jake: Me name is also Jake
Sunshine: I would like some iced tea

Pump: Jake what would you like?
*Waiter Jake looks at him and screams*

Jake: I'm not as dangerous as I look I'm her bodyguard.
Sunshine: Pump, Jake is an animatronic

Pump: Sorry, I forgot.
Waiter Jake: You remind me of my refunded FNAF VR money.

This is my first time on this ride

*Ride begins. Boats go through the bayou, where an old man is playing Oh Susannah on the banjo.*

*Watches the animatronics.*

Skull: Psst! Avast there! It be too late to alter course, mateys—and there be plunderin’ pirates lurkin’ in every cove, waitin’ to board. Sit closer together, and keep your ruddy hands inboard—that be the best way to repel boarders. And mark well me words, mateys: “Dead men tell no tales!”

Ye come seekin’ adventure and salty old pirates, eh? Sure, you come to the proper place. But keep a weather eye open, mates, and hold on tight—with both hands, if you please. There be squalls ahead! And Davy Jones waiting for them what don’t obey.

*Holds on tight with two hands.*

*Boats descend down first drop*
Pump: I got soaked.

Sunshine: *Feels a little sick.*

Pump, singing with the pirates: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We kidnap and ravage and don’t give a hoot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Maraud and embezzle and even hijack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We kindle and char; inflame and ignite.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
We burn up the city; we’re really a fright.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

We’re rascals and scoundrels. We’re villains and knaves.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
We’re devils and black sheep. We’re really bad eggs.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!
We’re beggars and blighters and ne’er-do-well cads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!
Aye, but we’re loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

Sunshine: *That song is getting stuck inside my head.*

*Boats descend second drop and proceed through the grotto*
Pump: I love this ride.

Sunshine: Thank you

*Hands Pump his Jambalaya* Pump: *Takes a little bite, then drinks a little bit of Mint Julep* Pump: This is so good. The Mint Julep definitely adds some flavor.

Sunshine: *Waits for her Jambalaya.*

*Waiter Jake gives her her Jambalaya*

Sunshine: *Eats her Jambalaya.* Thank you so much
Jake: Thanks fer getting her food.

*Pump slowly finishes his Jambalaya and Mint Julep*

Sunshine: *Finishes her Jambalaya.*
Jake: Are we ready to go?

Pump: Jake can't go. *Reads the sign* You may get wet.

Jake: Okay I'll wait fer ye here.

Safety Announcer: Ahoy there, crew! For your safety, remain seated, keeping your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat—and watch your children. And no flash pictures! Prepare to make sail! *Repeats in Spanish*

Sunshine: Okay *Waits for the lap bar.*
Jake: *Also waits.*

*They approach the endless hallway*
Ghost Host: We find it simply unlivable here in this ghostly retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps.
Pump: The suit of armor is moving and there's a floating candelabra *tries to make a joke* He's not French.

Sunshine: When is the lap bar going down?

Pump, imitating the Ghost Host: It already has! Back on track, there's a skeleton in that coffin, he's calling for help

Sunshine: This ride is kind of creepy

Pump: There's the doors... They're knocking themselves.

Sunshine: That makes no sense
Jake: I know that it doesn't

Pump: There's the clock, and what do you see? It's striking 13!

Sunshine: *Watches the clock.*

*They enter the Seance*
Pump: There's my favorite ghost, Madame Leota! *Along with her* Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat... Call in the spirits, wherever they're at.
Rap on a table, it's time to respond... Send us a message from somewhere beyond.
Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween... Awaken the spirits with your tambourine!
Creepies and crawlies, toads in a pond... Let there be music from regions beyond!
Wizards and witches, wherever you dwell... Give us a hint by ringing a bell.

Jake: I take it ye played the corn maze and found me cousin

Waiter Jake: Yes, and then I refunded my money because it was too scary.

Jake: Facepalms it's a horror game what did ye expect
Sunshine: *Waits for the iced tea.*

Waiter Jake: I don't know why I played it in the first place. *Goes to get the drinks* Mint Julep... *Fills up Pump's cup* ...and Iced Tea *Fills up Sunshine's* *Returns to the table* Mint Julep!
Pump: Mint Julep, right here!

Sunshine: *Is waiting for the iced tea.*

Waiter Jake: Iced Tea?

Sunshine: Iced tea right here!

Waiter Jake: I'll be back with your jambalaya shortly.

Sunshine: *Drinks her iced tea.*

*Waiter Jake returns*
Waiter Jake: Two jambalayas!

Sunshine: *Hugs Jake shaking.*
Jake: Ye are going to be okay

Pump: Now we're in the largest scene in the entire ride. The ballroom. Most people are looking up at the portraits of the two guys dueling or down at the organ ghost, but if you look directly at the pane there's a spider on it. *stares at the pane, then looks down* And the pipe organ is recycled from the movie 20,000 leagues Under the Sea.

Sunshine: Okay

*They move into the Attic, and a creepy version of the Wedding March plays"
Pump: Constance's entire backstory is highlighted through her portraits, she's with a husband, he disappears, another necklace appears.

Sunshine: This ride is creeping me out

Pump: Didn't get to say her lines, but... *They go into the graveyard, and Pump starts singing Grim Grinning Ghosts

Sunshine: *Swallows nervously.*

Pump and Ghost Host: One thing I forgot to mention, beware of hitchhiking ghosts!

Sunshine: Are there actual ghosts on this ride?

Pump: No, that was just a rumor that arised. Anyway... *Imitates ghost Host* Now I will raise the safety bar, and a ghost will follow you home!