Sleeping Shaq

MiauPro is in the kitchen. She walks around grabbing various pans, utensils, and spices. She walks over to the oven when the phone rings.
Miau:Hello, who is this?
She listens to it.
Miau:Oh hello Warlock. You need me to do what?!
Pause.
Miau:Okay, okay. I’ll be there right away.
BFBQ enters the kitchen.
BFBQ:Honey, I’m home.
Miau:Hi Q.
BFBQ walks over to the pantry and grabs the honey jar.
BFBQ:Oh, hi Miau.
Miau:Seriously?! I’m your wife and the first thing when you come in is get food?!
BFBQ spreads honey on a piece of bread.
BFBQ:Oh. Sorry. Umm, how was your day?
Miau:Fine, thank you for asking.
BFBQ:What are you making?
Miau:Something that will have to wait. I need to go meet up with Warlock.
BFBQ puts the piece of bread into the toaster.
BFBQ:Who?
Miau:Wizard’s sister. She needs me to babysit her kids.
The bread begins cooking.
BFBQ:Can’t you make dinner first?
Miau:No. It’s important. And you’re coming too.
BFBQ:What?! Why?
Miau:Because last time I left you home alone you almost burned the house down.
BFBQ:Oh come on. I’m always super careful.
The toaster explodes, splattering honey everywhere.
Miau glares at him.
BFBQ:I’ll go get the car ready.

Miau and BFBQ are both driving down the road…in their beautiful BMW, the pinnacle of human enjoyment, complete with soft leather seats, built-in GPS, and rear entertainment system for t̶h̶e̶ ̶k̶i̶d̶s̶ BFBQ.
BFBQ watches the TV.
EdArcade and Kaden are tied against a pole together while Pedram stands across from them next to Dr Void Matter.
EdArcade:I told you Pedram was working with somebody.
Pedram:You see, the dashing Mr. Void here already held the second egg in his possession. So, I approached him with my own offer, which brings us to the part where you tell us where the third egg is.
Kaden:Never.
Miau:Are you watching Ed Notice again?
BFBQ:Maybe…
Miau:You spend way too much time watching TV.
BFBQ:Shouldn’t you be watching the road?
Miau:I’m fine. We’ll be completely sa-Squirrel!
She swerves off the road, trying to run over the squirrel. The car flies over a speed bump, impacting hard on the road.
She tries to get the car back under control, but it is violently turning back and forth. They approach a tree and crash. The car is totaled, but luckily BFBQ and Miau are safe…thanks to their Beautiful BMW! Complete with large airbags, durable seat belts, and heavily cushioned chairs, the pinnacle of human safety.
Miau:Where does that voice keep coming from?
BFBQ:I don’t know, but I think as long as we don’t mention BMW…The best car brand ever! Get it in all colors and sizes!
Miau:How are we going to get to Warlock’s house now?
BFBQ:Maybe you could use your magic.
Miau:You know I don’t have that much magical power.
BFBQ:Well try. Maybe say Pabra Kadabra.
Miau:I can’t just say “Pabra Kadabra! Repair our car!”
Nothing happens to the car.
Miau:See. Didn’t work.
BFBQ:Maybe if you gave it a little more Pizzazz.
Miau:Pizzazz?
BFBQ:Yeah, you can accomplish anything with Pizzazz.
Miau:Umm. Pabra Kadabra! Repair our car!
She does jazz hands, but nothing happens.
Miau:See. My magic isn’t strong enough to fix the car.
BFBQ:Come on sweetie, you just have to believe in yourself.
Miau:I believe in myself!
BFBQ:Prove it. Fix our BMW…
Which you can currently buy on sale for 25% off!
Miau:Seriously? What is that voice?
BFBQ:Just bring back our car!
Miau:Okay, okay! Pabra Kadabra! Fix our car!
Magic shoots out of her fingertips. A blue light envelopes the BMW…an absolutely amaz…the voice is drowned out by a large burst of sound and light.
When the dust clears they look to see that their car is…completely destroyed.
BFBQ:Maybe we could still fix it?

i loved the plot twist when i actually did nothing

R.I.P BMW

YOU WHAT?

????

i forgor

.-.

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