Let me tell you the truth about Santa Claus. If his Marx-esque appearance and red clothing weren’t an immediate giveaway, I must point blank tell you: Santa is a communist.
I am sorry if I ruin your festive mood, I am sorry if you think it’s blasphemy, but it’s time to face the facts. Despite of what you want to believe, the world is governed by market forces and a seemingly benevolent, egalitarian creature won’t grant your wishes just because you ask nicely. So before you go wasting ink and paper writing your letter, hear me out.
Santa Is an Authoritarian
First of all, sorry to shatter your beliefs, but Santa is not benevolent. He is an authoritarian who without any rule of law arbitrarily decides who is naughty or nice. If he deems you nice, he will reward you. But if he deems you naughty, well, who knows what a powerful communist like him would do to you.
Sure, you could argue that the nicer you are, the bigger the reward, but that’s also true for a communist dictator. The closer you are to his own subjective ideal, the better you serve his own interests, the more you will get. There is no telling, however, when his fancy changes.
Santa won’t reward you on some objective merit. He favors his cronies, but he thinks everyone should get something. Each according to one’s needs.
In the spirit of a good egalitarian tradition, he disincentivizes actual accomplishments. If you keep your head low you will get something. It is unnecessary to do better. Only if you are a crony, is it worth to aim higher.
If you are not deemed as an enemy of Santa, you will receive something, don’t worry.
Moreover, where do you think all those toys come from? Santa is running a sweatshop exploiting the elves, who won’t get any wagers. They are essentially slaves, who have to work, because they fear Santa. It only makes sense. Santa doesn’t ask for money for what he is doing, so he himself has no income. This means he cannot pay any employees.
And what exactly is Santa doing? He knows where you live,he know what you have been doing, he spies on you, disrespecting your privacy. Santa goes into your house, disregarding private property, and forces his services on you.
In turn, as a sort of tax, he takes your milk and cookies. Will he at least give some of that to the elves? I hardly think so. He wouldn’t want to incentivize slaves, now would he?
Santa: The Embodiment of the Communist Utopia
One word. All it takes is one word to show you why Santa is a communist: scarcity.
