fr tho tell me in the comments | a post 4 vents

i dont know
just the standard dad divorce life crumble stuff

well, i welcome you to TNB.

whasdbsdmasdbasmdnb.

tnb = the nostalgia box

i know
i just hrjefhjkefkdjfslfjkefjed.

I'm here because I'm stuck.
Stuck in real life.
Stuck in a never-ending loop.
Stuck in a world where I can feel, see, and understand.
But it doesn't feel real.
Nothing feels real.
I can feel pain, but it doesn't feel real.
I can see myself in the mirror, but I don't feel real.
So dull. Everything. Even the brightest of colors.
Makes my head hurt.
Everything makes my head hurt.

I'm here bc I need help building my happiness, this seems like a place to do it.

you've come to the right place.

g o o d

is that a threat

no XD

it seems like it

I just like how texts looks when it's spaced out-- XD

i'm still calling it a threat

Does that mean I get banned? o-0

no it's a joke lol

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh E hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh E

Uhh you don't need to know!😅

i'm here because every house is the same. i always look the same. i am the same. i will never change. i'm an ignorant little brat who always cries and runs away right when things get better. my girlfriend, MOXIEDRUMER, i'm sorry. i broke up with you on halloween because I was scared of what they might say about me. i was scared you'd leave as soon as i started getting attached. i was scared, i was so, so scared. i'm scared that you'll be like her, using me, taking advantage of me, even though we were 1,328 miles away. i miss her though. i miss her virtual touch, even if it hurt. i miss being wanted. i miss being vulnerable. it's like i put this shield up. i reflect the taking advantage-ness away. that's why i've never had a real kiss, i'm too scared that i'll become vulnerable and end up making a huge mistake. i always act like im so confident and tough, but EVERY. TIME. that someone says something horrid about me, i crumble, i break, i'm so fragile.

i'm so
so
so
fragile.
please don't break me.

i'm here because everyone thinks i'm a nothing
like i was never meant to exist
like i'm just a bratty ignorant nothing.
they all hate me
they all love me
i'm god, but please don't bow down to me
no one sees what my ego wants them to see
i can't see the differences anymore
i just want to die
as much as my parents spoil me
i still think i don't deserve this
it isn't my fault i'm full of flaws
they think i need help
they think i need those brain shrinkers
i'm only trying to defend myself from all the cruelty that comes and hurts me, they're circling like vultures
it's not my fault the internet is my friend
it isn't my fault i have ADHD and ODD
it isn't my fault about anything
no one forgives my past mistakes
i just want to die
and forget everything happened
i want to choke myself until i pass out
i'm making my last days count
i wanna just live the best i can without this toxicity
then leave all my friends
i'm a cute little angel
i'm f**king out
the blood won't stop leaking from my soul and mouth
im a devil from the underworld
an angel up in heaven
i cant decide
i dont decide
people are controlling me at this point
all i wanted was a good life
i'm trying to be a better person
all i get back is pure hate
people think i just seek attention
they're all f**king wrong
i'm attached
i'm clingy
at this point i might as well be hated some more
i can't see the haters
i don't want to leave
i can't leave
all i need is a break from the internet
but i've been attached too badly
i can't let anyone leave me any more
what did i ever do to you people who hate me
at this point i just want to say "f**k life" and die
i want to restart my life even though that isn't possible
i wish it was
i want to be furever known as kawaii crystal
but i cant
i have to fake my identity now
all i get being known as this is hate
they all don't know who i really am
and i can't show who i am
because whenever i do show who i am
people kick it around
they hate it
they treat it like a worthless toy
i'm so fragile
please just stop
don't hurt me
i swear i'll do anything
i'm trying my hardest please
understand i'm doing what i can
please stop i'm doing all i can

thank you for sharing this with me crystal. (i sound like a therapist)

thing is, you can restart life.
if you have minimal memory space,
the right support,
you can have a whole new identity.
i used to be cherry,
the confident, pretty, rude, selfish person
now i'm valerie,
the one who accepts others more, the one who looks in the mirror and says "i look okay", the one who cares for others, the one who is still scared to stay in a relationship for longer than 2 weeks because she's scared her heart will be broke and she'll be so attached at that point.
i'm saying, i'm not better now, but at least i dont hurt people.

just remember, you can restart.
you matter.

(you do tho-)
ok..

i'm sorry that i said all that i just go into overdrive when i see someone i care about talk about themselves like that and i just really wanna help
i understand if you dont want my help though.

i do want your help :(

https://imgflip.com/memechat?invite=H23YQ9SGUwRn1sa9NW9MNKoBZcesW3Dx

i'm glad :)
i'll send you a memechat invite so incase you ever need something you can message me via memechat :)

trauma quotes
___________

"Childhood is such a delicate tissue; what they had done this morning could snag somewhere in the little ones, make a dull, small pain that will circle back again and again, and hurt them in small ways for the rest of their lives."

“There's no weakness as great as false strength.”

“Imagine the infant who one day cries and gets fed, and the next day cries and goes hungry. One day smiles and is kissed and hugged. The next day smiles and is ignored. This is what psychologists called 'preoccupied or unresolved attachment' with the primary caregiver--usually the mother. There was love one minute and disdain the next. Affection that was given in abundance for no reason and then taken away without cause. The child has no ability to predict or influence the behavior of the parent. The narcissist loves a child only as an extension of herself at first, and then as a loyal subject. So she will tend to the child only when it makes her feel good.”

“After a traumatic experience, the human system of self-preservation seems to go onto permanent alert, as if the danger might return at any moment.” (this is literally me)

“TRAUMA STEALS YOUR VOICE

People get so tired of asking you what's wrong and you've run out of nothings to tell them.

You've tried and they've tried, but the words just turn to ashes every time they try to leave your mouth.

They start as fire in the pit of your stomach, but come out in a puff of smoke.

You are not you anymore.

And you don't know how to fix this.

The worst part is...you don't even know how to try.”

“Each flower is a secret language. When I wear a combination of flowers together, it's like I'm writing my own secret code that no one else can understand unless they know my language.”