ohno, I’ve been turned into a marketable plushie, now everyone want to buy

Please don't turn me into a marketable u
Plushie- reeeeee

“The new soul plushie is even machine washable!”
Subtitles: GOD NO NOT THE WASHING MACHINE
*gets thrown into the machine*

Lmfao

*washing machine finishes*
Sub: f**k in nearly drowned in there
“He’s the perfect toy for kids of all ages”
*a bunch of kids come and start grabbing at me*
sub: NONONO

Shut

*scene of being tortured by kids ends*
“Whoops! Looks like he’s got a rip, let’s get the mending kit that comes absolutely free!”
Sub: NO NOT THE KIT IM FINE IM DEAD AND I CAN HEA-
*getting fixed*

“He’s also good for playing with pets!”
*a dog comes and bites*
sub: NO NOT THE DOG

Ya mama

*gets thrown around like a ragdoll*
Sub: help me, I’m being held hostage for this commercial

Ya mama

*the screen turns black, screams, the sound of fire and roars can be heard*
*the thing in the image is on screen, ripping apart someone*
*it goes back to normal*

oop-

Reply if you're a retard