Choose wisely

Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of flippantly dismissing any concepts or discussions regarding gender that don't fit in with what I learned in 8th grade bio. People say to me that this joke hasn't been funny since 2014 and please at least come up with a new one, but I don't care, I'm hilarious. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Ctrl, C, and V keys on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "epic kek dank meme trannies owned with facts and logic" and respect my right to shit up social media. If you can't accept me you're a memeophobe and need to check your ability-to-critically-think privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

(Accordion playing)

Nikolai Belinski (Ultimis): Okay everybody, this is old song. I want you all to join in.

Edward Richtofen (Primis): I’ve got to be honest, Nikolai, I’m not sure if I want to join in.

Nikolai Belinski (Ultimis):

I’ll sing for my supper

I’ll drink to another

I’ll tell all ye folks a tall tale!

Takeo Masaki (Ultimis): A tall tale?

Nikolai Belinski (Ultimis and Primis):

Well it’s all based on fact

Though I should say the act

Of telling gets taller each day!

Takeo Masaki (Ultimis): Literally.

Nikolai Belinski (Ultimis): Now you all know tune, is time for someone else to sing. Ladies and gentleman! Eh, gentlemen... Tank Dempsey!

Edward Richtofen (Ultimis): Yay! (Claps)

Tank Dempsey (Ultimis):

My Aunt Jemima

Thought nothing was finer

Than lazing around everyday!

Tank Dempsey (Ultimis and Primis):

But my Aunt Jemima

Lost it all in a fire

Including herself by the way!

(Cheering, laughing, clapping)

Edward Richtofen (Ultimis): I thought that whole Jemima line was going somewhere else entirely!

Nikolai Belinski (Ultimis): Takeo Masaki!

Tank Dempsey (Ultimis): Yeah, Tak! Give us something about the Emperor! Or honor!

(Cheering and clapping)

Takeo Masaki (Ultimis and Primis):

Honor is one thing

But I’m feeling nothing

But lack of opportunity!

Our leaders are watching

But I’m not so eager

To let them still watch over me!

Nikolai Belinksi (Ultimis): Nicely done, Takeo! What about you, Richtofen?

Tank Dempsey (Ultimis): Yeah!

Nikolai Belinski (Ultimis): Do you have any soul?

Tank Dempsey (Ultimis): No!

Edward Richtofen (Primis): I did, a long time ago. But, it hurts just to think about it.

Takeo Masaki (Ultimis): Aw...

Nikolai Belinski (Ultimis):

I started this song

But please don’t get me wrong

No one sings unless they want to sing!

Nikolai Belinski (Ultimis and Primis):

We’re all telling tales

And we’re all singing songs

Drinking our drinks from midnight till dawn!

Edward Richtofen (Primis): I was trying to say something there.

Tank Dempsey (Primis): Sorry, Richtofen, we’re not messing with you. We want to hear you dulcet tones! Ain’t that right?

Nikolai Belinski (Ultimis): Daaa!

Nikolai Belinski (Primis): Yes!

Edward Richtofen (Ultimis): Really? Really!

Edward Richtofen (Ultimis and Primis):

This isn’t the song that I wanted to sing

But nobody gets what they want…

(Instrumental stops)

Edward Richtofen (Primis):

I was the nicest one…

But… you won’t... even…

Remember me…

(Instrumental resta