It's alright, hun. I understand your reasoning and that's close to why Indo it too. Just because you want love and you're afraid doesn't mean you're terrible
The honest reason why I date multiple people at once is because I'm always scared of being hated by everyone around me and just want love because I don't feel safe generally. And some people I've had to lie to about loving them because of this and I'm a shitty person for it. I wish that I never did that in the first place but it's too late to change the past.