Boardroom Meeting Suggestions Extended

Okay, I need ideas for employee retention! What do you have? We could provide two 15 minute breaks and one 30 minute lunch every 8-hour shift as required by federal law. Uh, wrong answer? Any other ideas?? Something that won't inconvenience our customers? We could always provide a competitive salary, medical, dental, and retirement benefits... ...or did you want to wait until all of that is federally mandated? Any other bright ideas. Preferably those that don't include bowing to socialists politics? Free parachutes? I'll just throw myself out, now. Do YOU have any ideas, shadowy IT guy? The company's worth more to you liquidated. Sell it. You know, I hadn't thought of that! Why fight the inevitable? Get out while the getting is good. Oh, and by the way, you've been laid-off. Of course, Sir. I would expect nothing less.