how to sleep 101

and then you get reincarnated as a snail and f**king die to a bird

y e s s i r

yes
how do i stop breathing?
id have to kill mself
welp i wanna meet prince charming so byeee!

hold on, majik granny has to give you a red apple first

wait-
granny hates me
wil she even do what i ask if it leads to a happily ever after including death?

No, granny hates you and she doesnt want you to be happy, so granny is gonna make you live longer
then, grann accidently eats her own granny apple and dies of poisoning, so youre stuck in life now.
so, you decide to kill yourself, but you stabbed yourself with a majik lamp, and a genie came out of the lamp and started possessing you
but, the genie was an idiot and his soul died, so then you were back in your body
then, you realize the metal from the lamp made it impossible for you to die, and it forced you to be happy all the time
finally, you met prince charming, got married, and have 69 children.
All your kids drowned except that retarded one
one night, you sleepwalked and killed your husband in your sleep
he came back to haunt you forever
the end

*claps*
AMAZING STORY!
when can this happen to me?

as soon as you find granny (: lmao

WHERE IS SHE!

up your ass and around the corner