I Should Buy A Boat Cat

I'M A 4FT TALL, OBESE, DISABLED, BLACK, ROMANIAN ELDERLY WOMAN WITH A GERMAN ACCENT; IN LIBERAL LAND, PEOPLE WOULD LAUGH IN DISBELIEF AT EVERY ASPECT OF THOSE CLAIMS.. EXCEPT FOR THE WOMAN PART, IN WHICH CASE THEY'D APPLAUD AND PROBABLY THROW ME A PARADE FOR MY BRAVERY