JFC this is too long to fit in, I recommend reading the description, no harassment please, no need to DM anymore. kill me-

You want the reason? okay then. Back in August 2019 or something when I wasn’t on ImgFlip, I started to form a relationship with someone, it was ok I guess, there was a few ship art, in October a troll had been vandalizing art of me and a few more people, one day they vandalized a ship art of me and my ex that was made by a person. Since back then I was a soft-ass and would.. I guess I can call “attention seek” to people about the vandalizing and other things like harassment (in some cases I would be like “I guess no one wants me here.. boohoo..”), I have decided to break up with the person I was in love with to prevent any more shit happening, and remain friends, thus, I have been swearing never to be in an online relationship again (because otherwise “my dad would go berserk and shit bla bla”), now recently I think back in February of this year I heard news about [REDACTED] sexually harassing someone, people were pissed and even I was and decided to take action (don’t f**king ask how I did, please), possibly a few days later, I was told that [REDACTED] wanted to DM me, so I accepted, he apologized and then said he grew quite fond of me, I thought “oh, he’s been interested in me?”, and then later on he started confessing his feelings to me, over the past few months I was trying to be more mature (as you can see I’m failing), and I have also been more cautious about the ages of people on the internet, [REDACTED] was 2 years older than me. it slightly concerned me and made me uncomfortable because I’ve always been believing that someone, even if they’re A BIT younger should not be dating someone at the age of 18, and when that time comes (and at that time I’ll possibly be 15 or 16) there’s going to be a bunch of consequences. I tried to give him a chance and be with him since my sympathy got to me.. the problem is he would try to convince me to have ***, later on I tried to convince him to stop liking me, and again my sympathetic ass took over when he kept on begging and begging so I eventually gave in. Eventually I told people about it and shit happened blah blah... and then he sent me a message and apologized, I thought it would finally be over, I can be on ImgFlip in peace, but a few days later or something he starts convincing me again, I decided “fine, only for you to change”, and then on some occasions he would get horny, I sometimes had to convince him to stop loving but nOoOoOo he still loves me to death, I shrugged it off, thinking maybe he’ll be able to change later one. he once tried to convince me to have *** so he could change (not telling the rest), and I still wanted to change him, not in that way obviously, and now recently I’ve been feeling forced after I talked to my mother about the situation, she managed to understand and told me to block him (she did say temporary and maybe give him time), her talking made me realize I am with the wrong person for me, speaking of mother I remember getting into an argument with her about how I’m possibly more caring for people on the internet rather than my family, that led me to try and stop caring, even if they’re my friends, even if they’re crying, even if they try to commit suicide, since there’s no way other than praying. but I’m too caring, I don’t have the heart to call people out for acting depressed. now here I am, I was still being convinced, I’ve always been uncomfortable with [REDACTED] then the poll came, I was tearing up as the amount of people saying yes start to become 10, and.. now it’s supposedly official, let’s just say I snapped, I was crying but I tried not to be loud or else I’ll end up waking my mother and I’ll have trouble explaining (*sigh* my parents probably don’t know what’s like on this shitty site), I was probably going to end up feeling bad again, another war involving me and [REDACTED] would happen, but I wanted to not give a f**k, I still want to not care about what happens anymore, now I’m starting to think that internet seems to be f**king around with my mental state, my mom even once said I’m being possessed by my iPad?? but that’s not the big point, I felt forced, I didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore after what happened back in 2019, I would delete right now but the amount of effort put in this account prevented me, I am crying over stupid things, I wish I can use my sympathy on something else other than this. feeling forced was the only thing I can talk about, there were many other reasons why I didn’t like the ship in my head but I can’t seem to explain what they are, I just wanted to be friends, not with benefits, a man is supposed to care and understand about their partner’s feelings, but [REDACTED] didn’t seem to understand that I DIDN’T WANT TO BE WITH HIM. now back to drowning in guilt.