Emo 3.0

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ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ You take the moon and you take the sun. ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) You take everything that sounds like fun. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ You stir it all together and then you're done. ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞
ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ Rada rada rada rada rada rada. ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ
ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) So come on in, feel free to do some looking.
Stay a while 'cause somethings always cooking.
Come on in, feel free to do some looking.
Stay a while 'cause somethings always cooking.
Yeah!!! ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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You are about to get spammed with 600 dank memes. Prepare all nukes and weapons for the Great Spam War. If you can contain the amount of spam I have, you will be granted with special powers that allow you to smoke weed 200 times harder. Not only that, but you will have a laggy as f**k laptop. You know how lucky you are?????? My laptop runs at 669FPS and it never lags or is slow. YOU LUCKY SON OF A GUN. You will pay the price by me giving you a link (Which shall contain a download) which will wipe all your memory off the face of this universe and overwrite it with my own software, Memesoftlocker2.0000.0. You are so damn lucky you know that? NOT EVEN I HAVE IT S**T. But if you were able to read up to this point congratulations, you suck. But click this link www.mymom.;;;;;;/eeeeeeee.crash; and you will be taken to a memory erase phrase. You lucky s**t, but you will get the best computer software ever that makes your computer lag so bad that you can't even use it. LIKE HOW AMAZING??? Yes, I promise you this is 420% legit. But if you spread this abusive software you have EARNED I will suck you off this living universe so be careful buddy. Now, Please stop reading this message as it ends now...

I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.

Excuse me? I find vaping to be one of the best things in my life. It has carried me through the toughest of times and brought light and vapor upon my spirit. You're just another one of those people who doesn't believe in chem trails and fluoride turning us gay. Your ignorance to the government is what makes you a sheep in today's society. Have fun being a slave to todays's system.

Hi, Phil Swift here with Flex Tape! The super-strong waterproof tape! That can instantly patch, bond, seal, and repair! Flex tape is no ordinary tape; its triple thick adhesive virtually welds itself to the surface, instantly stopping the toughest leaks. Leaky pipes can cause major damage, but Flex Tape grips on tight and bonds instantly! Plus, Flex Tape’s powerful adhesive is so strong, it even works underwater! Now you can repair leaks in pools and spas in water without draining them! Flex Tape is perfect for marine, campers and RVs! Flex Tape is super strong, and once it's on, it holds on tight! And for emergency auto repair, Flex Tape keeps its grip, even in the toughest conditions! Big storms can cause big damage, but Flex Tape comes super wide, so you can easily patch large holes. To show the power of Flex Tape, I sawed this boat in half! And repaired it with only Flex Tape! Not only does Flex Tape’s powerful adhesive hold the boat together, but it creates a super strong water tight seal, so the inside is completly dry! Yee-doggy! Just cut, peel, stick and seal! Imagine everything you can do with the power of Flex Tape!

🆗 son, 🌞 there ain't❌❌a ☝single☝f**king☝person☝ with any intellect👓👓📖who gives a 🎮remote🎮f**k🎮about your extensive vaping💯😎💨 talent. 😂I happen to be quite🎩the🎩intellectual🎩myself, so I can confirm✔✔this fact💯as truth™.👌if👌you👌think👌 that your vape💯😎💨 is going↗to get you hoes👯👯, you are utterly🐄 mistaken❌, fam👪. my pa👨 once taught📖 me the 😏secret😏 of life👍💛, and it was not❌❌ your vape💯😎💨 🆗🆒now listen 👂👂here my chum✌✌, my pa👨 was a man who kept it 💯💯💯💯💯💯. ✋that✋is✋six✋f**king✋hundreds✋ and he never❌🙅🙅 once vaped💯😎💨. The man 🚬smoked🚬some🚬mad🚬cigars🚬 because he wasnt❌the pussy🐱🐱you are🆗⁉❗⁉ he lived to be 💯 because he kept it 💯💯💯💯💯💯 and killed🔫🔪 👌every👌vaping👌f**ker👌he👌saw👌🆗🆒😂😂👀👀 so in the spirit👻of me good ol pa👨, I think💭you should kys🔫 they have 🆓 vapes💯😎💨 in hell🔥and🔥it's🔥lit🔥for😂 unintelligent vaping💯😎💨 hooligans like yourself👌😂😂

Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of chicken nuggets and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of chicken nuggets out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I'm so distressed right now I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to do that to my mom but I'm literally in shock from the results tonight. I feel like I'm going to explode. Why the f**king f**k is he losing? This can't be happening. I'm having a f**king breakdown. I don't want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want a future to believe in. I want Bernie to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot f**king deal with this right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in New York???? This is so f**ked.

I sexually Identify as a Gabe Newell. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of filling my wallet by dropping Steam Sales onto 12 000 games at once. People say to me that a person being a Newell is impossible and I'm f**king retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I have 10 computers worth over 10k each in order to drop new Steam Sales every few days. From now on I want you guys to call me "Gabe" and respect my right to get rich fast and discount needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a profitophobe and need to check your wallet. Thank you for being so understanding.

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

We regret to inform you that the card titled "Mommy's Debit" has been declinded your latest purchases due to suspicous activities. To unlock your card for further use, please confirm your recent purchases with your local bank. The listing follows
- 1x Monster Horse D**do 12' Lubricated Thrusters
- 3x Backdoor S**ts 9
- 1x "Undetectable Aimbot" from AimJunkies
- 6x Magnum condoms
- 5x Bananas
- 1x Small Condom
- 2x Subscription to JakeChillz Minecraft stream
- 1x Deag's Rust Career
- 1x Gay Poster
Please respond back to us using your old email:
if**[email protected]
Thanks for your patience,
Wells All Mighty Lord Gabe.

Bring your chin down to protect your neck while continuing to stare in his eyes. Bring up your hands and say "I don't want no trouble ya hear". Flex your traps and core. Slightly bend your knees.

Here comes the important part. In a low voice begin to say "wolowolowolowolowolo" slowly increasing in volume. He should be surprised by now. Begin to sway side to side and loosen all facial muscles and your anal sphincter and your kegal muscle. By now you should be pretty loud and your opponent will have stepped back and appear visibly shaken.

Begin to piss and shit yourself and let your eyes roll to the back of your head. By now, you're chanting "WOLOWOLOWOLOWOLO" at the top of your lungs.

He will run away. Everyone within a one mile radius will feel a terrifying presence within their soul.

Marvel as you ascend into your planar form.

Here in my garage, just bought this new lamborghini here. It’s fun to drive up here in the Steam Hills. But you know what I like more than single discounts? Steam Sales In fact, I’m a lot more proud of two new Steam Sales that I had to get installed to hold twelve thousand new discounts on Steam. It’s like what i say, “the more you discount, the more you earn.”

The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.

Dang, this post reminds me of a twitch streamer I used to watch whose streamroom had a ceiling mirror that she wasn't allowed to take down cause it was a rented apartment. Chat had so many inside jokes about it and I had made my share of "oh man that would be so hot for watching me cry and jerk off" type quips.

I'm sad now cause now I have to relive the worst screwup of my life. I had been faithfully watching her for almost a year and she mostly played League and Hearthstone plus sandboxy fun games like Little Big Planet and Minecraft. Those games weren't really my cup of tea put her personality and sense of humor were so great that I didn't care.

She only had about 60 average viewers but we all adored her and there was a great sense of community among everyone. I was super excited that night cause it was her one year twitch anniversary and she invited us all to drink with her to celebrate.

I woke up with a massive hangover still in front of the computer and instantly went to her twitch page to check out the vod and was met with a "this account does not exist or has been deleted message." I'm not proud but my first thought was hoping that she had gotten a bit to flirty in her drunken state and maybe even flashed chat which led to a temporary ban from twitch, I then went to her twitter and her last tweet was "I'm sorry, I just can't even...I'm out." I started to replay the night back in my head and noticed one of my "hidden" folders was open and ohhh no..oh god no...

The night started out great, with many toasts to her subs and longtime lurkers but as she drank more she gradually got more and more morose and started to open up about her personal life. She said she loved streaming but she wanted to do this as a career and her parents had given her a year to prove it was viable until she needed to get a "real job" and her time was pretty much up and she was scared. She also talked about how she was undateable (very untrue!) and no man would ever want her. All she really wanted out of life other than making it as a streamer was to be a housewife and mother but she would probably screw that up too, f**k my life!! And she tilted the webcam away so we couldnt see her cry.

I was drinking shots of whiskey to her swigs of champagne and was even drunker than her at this point, and typed "Actually you'd be an amazing mother!!!" And I then uploaded a shota gallery of her and me I had been working on for 6 months to imgur and being a longtime mod I was able to link

ＨＥＹ ＲＴＺ， Ｉ’Ｍ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＲＮ ＴＯ ＰＬＡＹ ＲＩＫＩ． Ｉ ＪＵＳＴ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＨＥ ＳＫＩＬＬ ＢＵＩＬＤ： ＳＨＯＵＬＤ Ｉ ＭＡＸ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ ＥＧ， ＳＭＯＫＥＳＣＲＥＥＮ ＳＯ ＴＨＥＹ ＭＩＳＳ ＭＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＥＧ ＭＩＳＳ ＹＯＵ ７０％ ＯＦ ＴＨＥ ＴＩＭＥ， ＯＲ ＰＥＲＭＡＮＥＴ ＩＮＶＩＳＩＢＩＬＩＴＹ ＳＯ Ｉ ＣＯＵＬＤ ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲＥＤ ＦＲＯＭ ＥＧ

They targeted gamers.

Gamers.

We're a group of people who will sit for hours, days, even weeks on end performing some of the hardest, most mentally demanding tasks. Over, and over, and over all for nothing more than a little digital token saying we did.

We'll punish our selfs doing things others would consider torture, because we think it's fun.

We'll spend most if not all of our free time min maxing the stats of a fictional character all to draw out a single extra point of damage per second.

Many of us have made careers out of doing just these things: slogging through the grind, all day, the same quests over and over, hundreds of times to the point where we know evety little detail such that some have attained such gamer nirvana that they can literally play these games blindfolded.

Do these people have any idea how many controllers have been smashed, systems over heated, disks and carts destroyed 8n frustration? All to latter be referred to as bragging rights?

These people honestly think this is a battle they can win? They take our media? We're already building a new one without them. They take our devs? Gamers aren't shy about throwing their money else where, or even making the games our selves. They think calling us racist, mysoginistic, rape apologists is going to change us? We've been called worse things by prepubescent 10 year olds with a shitty head set. They picked a fight against a group that's already grown desensitized to their strategies and methods. Who enjoy the battle of attrition they've threatened us with. Who take it as a challange when they tell us we no longer matter. Our obsession with proving we can after being told we can't is so deeply ingrained from years of dealing with big brothers/sisters and friends laughing at how pathetic we used to be that proving you people wrong has become a very real need; a honed reflex.

Gamers are competative, hard core, by nature. We love a challange. The worst thing you did in all of this was to challange us. You're not special, you're not original, you're not the first; this is just another boss fight.

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm f**king retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Dude, i’m gonna type as sober as possible, that honestly looks fcking pathetic and digusting compared to my meal. and I’m being one hundred percent serious. Sorry we dont cook sht that was perviously in cans. you’re a fuking joke dude, and im dead fuking serious. gert areal family that cooks good food, drinks beer and wine and winecoolers and has a good fuking time, and has a milliondollar house on the beach, im seriously.. dont eever potst your fuking poverty dinner on these forums ever the fuk again bro, and by bro i mean never my bro, fuking phaggot.

.

We regret to inform you that the card titled "Mommy's Debit" has been declinded your latest purchases due to suspicous activities. To unlock your card for further use, please confirm your recent purchases with your local bank. The listing follows
- 1x Monster Horse D**do 12' Lubricated Thrusters
- 3x Backdoor S**ts 9
- 1x "Undetectable Aimbot" from AimJunkies
- 6x Magnum condoms
- 5x Bananas
- 1x Small Condom
- 2x Subscription to JakeChillz Minecraft stream
- 1x Deag's Rust Career
- 1x Gay Poster
Please respond back to us using your old email:
if**[email protected]
Thanks for your patience,
Wells All Mighty Lord Gabe.

I-

Read thru the comments XD

Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?

ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ You take the moon and you take the sun. ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) You take everything that sounds like fun. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ You stir it all together and then you're done. ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞
ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ Rada rada rada rada rada rada. ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ
ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) So come on in, feel free to do some looking.
Stay a while 'cause somethings always cooking.
Come on in, feel free to do some looking.
Stay a while 'cause somethings always cooking.
Yeah!!! ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?

You are about to get spammed with 600 dank memes. Prepare all nukes and weapons for the Great Spam War. If you can contain the amount of spam I have, you will be granted with special powers that allow you to smoke weed 200 times harder. Not only that, but you will have a laggy as f**k laptop. You know how lucky you are?????? My laptop runs at 669FPS and it never lags or is slow. YOU LUCKY SON OF A GUN. You will pay the price by me giving you a link (Which shall contain a download) which will wipe all your memory off the face of this universe and overwrite it with my own software, Memesoftlocker2.0000.0. You are so damn lucky you know that? NOT EVEN I HAVE IT S**T. But if you were able to read up to this point congratulations, you suck. But click this link www.mymom.;;;;;;/eeeeeeee.crash; and you will be taken to a memory erase phrase. You lucky s**t, but you will get the best computer software ever that makes your computer lag so bad that you can't even use it. LIKE HOW AMAZING??? Yes, I promise you this is 420% legit. But if you spread this abusive software you have EARNED I will suck you off this living universe so be careful buddy. Now, Please stop reading this message as it ends now...

Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?
Did you know Hisoka's bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?

Excuse me? I find vaping to be one of the best things in my life. It has carried me through the toughest of times and brought light and vapor upon my spirit. You're just another one of those people who doesn't believe in chem trails and fluoride turning us gay. Your ignorance to the government is what makes you a sheep in today's society. Have fun being a slave to todays's system.

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

🆗 son, 🌞 there ain't❌❌a ☝single☝f**king☝person☝ with any intellect👓👓📖who gives a 🎮remote🎮f**k🎮about your extensive vaping💯😎💨 talent. 😂I happen to be quite🎩the🎩intellectual🎩myself, so I can confirm✔✔this fact💯as truth™.👌if👌you👌think👌 that your vape💯😎💨 is going↗to get you hoes👯👯, you are utterly🐄 mistaken❌, fam👪. my pa👨 once taught📖 me the 😏secret😏 of life👍💛, and it was not❌❌ your vape💯😎💨 🆗🆒now listen 👂👂here my chum✌✌, my pa👨 was a man who kept it 💯💯💯💯💯💯. ✋that✋is✋six✋f**king✋hundreds✋ and he never❌🙅🙅 once vaped💯😎💨. The man 🚬smoked🚬some🚬mad🚬cigars🚬 because he wasnt❌the pussy🐱🐱you are🆗⁉❗⁉ he lived to be 💯 because he kept it 💯💯💯💯💯💯 and killed🔫🔪 👌every👌vaping👌f**ker👌he👌saw👌🆗🆒😂😂👀👀 so in the spirit👻of me good ol pa👨, I think💭you should kys🔫 they have 🆓 vapes💯😎💨 in hell🔥and🔥it's🔥lit🔥for😂 unintelligent vaping💯😎💨 hooligans like yourself👌😂😂

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

I sexually Identify as a Gabe Newell. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of filling my wallet by dropping Steam Sales onto 12 000 games at once. People say to me that a person being a Newell is impossible and I'm f**king retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I have 10 computers worth over 10k each in order to drop new Steam Sales every few days. From now on I want you guys to call me "Gabe" and respect my right to get rich fast and discount needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a profitophobe and need to check your wallet. Thank you for being so understanding.

ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　 　　　　　　　   　 　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　 　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　 　　　*　　　　　　　　　,　　   　 ✦

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.　　　　　　.　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　  　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　 ✦           　　　　*　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　    ✦ 　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　*　　     　   　　　　 　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　 　　 　　　.ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　   　 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　˚　　　　　　　　✦　　　　　　　　 　　　　　　　,　　　　　　 　   　　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　.　　　　　    　　.
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　.　　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　 　　　　   　 　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　 　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　 　　　*　　　　　　　　　,　　   　 ✦

.　　　　　　.　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　  　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　 ✦           　　　　*　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　    ✦ 　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　*　　     　   　　　　 　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　 　　 　　　.
ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　 　　　　　　　   　 　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　 　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　 　　　*　　　　　　　　　,　　   　 ✦

.　　　　　　.　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　  　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　 ✦           　　　　*　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　    ✦ 　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　*　　     　   　　　　 　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　 　　 　　　.ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　   　 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　˚　　　　　　　　✦　　　　　　　　 　　　　　　　,　　　　　　 　   　　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　.　　　　　    　　.
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We regret to inform you that the card titled "Mommy's Debit" has been declinded your latest purchases due to suspicous activities. To unlock your card for further use, please confirm your recent purchases with your local bank. The listing follows
- 1x Monster Horse D**do 12' Lubricated Thrusters
- 3x Backdoor S**ts 9
- 1x "Undetectable Aimbot" from AimJunkies
- 6x Magnum condoms
- 5x Bananas
- 1x Small Condom
- 2x Subscription to JakeChillz Minecraft stream
- 1x Deag's Rust Career
- 1x Gay Poster
Please respond back to us using your old email:
if**[email protected]
Thanks for your patience,
Wells All Mighty Lord Gabe.

ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　 　　　　　　　   　 　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　 　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　 　　　*　　　　　　　　　,　　   　 ✦

.　　　　　　.　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　  　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　 ✦           　　　　*　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　    ✦ 　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　*　　     　   　　　　 　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　 　　 　　　.ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　   　 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　˚　　　　　　　　✦　　　　　　　　 　　　　　　　,　　　　　　 　   　　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　.　　　　　    　　.
✦ ✦
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.　　　　　　.　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　  　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　 ✦           　　　　*　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　    ✦ 　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　*　　     　   　　　　 　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　 　　 　　　.ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　   　 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　˚　　　　　　　　✦　　　　　　　　 　　　　　　　,　　　　　　 　   　　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　.　　　　　    　　.
✦ ✦
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.　　　　　　.　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　  　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　 ✦           　　　　*　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　    ✦ 　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　*　　     　   　　　　 　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　 　　 　　　.

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.

What the f**k did you just f**king say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills.

I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the f**k out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my f**king words.

You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, f**ker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re f**king dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands.

Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your f**king tongue.

But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you go***mn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it.

You’re f**king dead, kiddo.

ＨＥＹ ＲＴＺ， Ｉ’Ｍ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＲＮ ＴＯ ＰＬＡＹ ＲＩＫＩ． Ｉ ＪＵＳＴ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＨＥ ＳＫＩＬＬ ＢＵＩＬＤ： ＳＨＯＵＬＤ Ｉ ＭＡＸ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ ＥＧ， ＳＭＯＫＥＳＣＲＥＥＮ ＳＯ ＴＨＥＹ ＭＩＳＳ ＭＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＥＧ ＭＩＳＳ ＹＯＵ ７０％ ＯＦ ＴＨＥ ＴＩＭＥ， ＯＲ ＰＥＲＭＡＮＥＴ ＩＮＶＩＳＩＢＩＬＩＴＹ ＳＯ Ｉ ＣＯＵＬＤ ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲＥＤ ＦＲＯＭ ＥＧ

What the f**k did you just f**king say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the f**k out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my f**king words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, f**ker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re f**king dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your f**king tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you go***mn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re f**king dead, kiddo.

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm f**king retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.
I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.
I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.
I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.