I Have No Idea What I Am Doing

A: everyone getting bored for playing Battle cats! What should we do?!

B: yeah! We’re gonna get bankrupted!

PONOS: okay i have a plan

A: what is it?

B: seem interesting

PONOS: okay, add more hot sexy chicks

Also PONOS: yeah let's add a black unit that even bombercat can't stall in large amounts *makes SBK and tackey together*

Also Ponos: in order to get those units lets make it a 0.1% chance!

When you beat all chapters: WHAT DO I DO

Sol: haha now beat 48 chapters of my madness

UL: i am true hard

Me: hahahahahha Face ded
ooooh nyandam gon
bun bun slight annoy
clione ded hdisgdbhd
HAHA DIE VALKYRIE
sdfhjaso,gsjedfjgfd what is this bahamut ragin thing
*beats god cat 3 times after 3 to the power of 3 to the power of 33 times*
juei
SoL: *rage intensifeis*
Curse ability in UL: haha career go bone

Ponos: i see players are beating stages way to fast, hang on let me just add this 999999% buffed le' noir and these really annoying 99999% lil buns and there we go!

Ponos: Hahaha lets see them beat the stage now, there is no possible way and let me just add a sequel to Uncanny legends to make the player go through type 5 pain

Me: *uses bombercat and glasscat and bahamut with meatsheilds*

PONOS: *surprised pikachu*

Ponos: Creates a new level

Players: Comes up with 50 ways to cheese it

Ponos: YOU WHAT

*laughs in cheesed Floor 50*

Me: Beats a hard stage

also me: Spins rare cat capsule and gets jizo

My heart: --------------------------------------------

same here

Ponos when you get a good unit from 1 spin: NO FAIR

*proceeds to make this a level:
(Ponos: *proceeds to add the most cancer enemies of each type together:

White: h e n r y
Red: capy meatshield go brrrrrr
Black: *sbk + tackey spam + lenoir*
Angel: anglerfish reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee stack
Zombie: zrollow and meatsheild hahah
relic: *sends puffington and M ost*
Metal: *sends metal one horn meatshielded*)
Me: *is dead even with ubercarry*

Me getting gao and uwushikamaru or something: HAHHAHA

Ponos: Makes a new enemy

The new enemy "Metal Kory"

Also Ponos: Good enough!

Ponos: HAHAHAHA YOU CAN'T USE OCTOPUS CAT ON 4 STARS LET ME JUST MAKE EVERY LEVEL 4 star restriction and add every shockwave enemy in the game into 5 different levels

Me: *uses zaboney and bahamut*
PONOS: *again surprised*
(yeah some levels are 4 stars no special which is true cancer)

yep

its a big pain

y e s

oh there's also BIONIC SEAWEED 4 STARS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa-

ah yes, metal type stages, the worst kind of crap out there

big b r a i n

Battle cats in a nutshell: you play levels farm xp and other stuff, and you try to get new cats and then end up losing a lot then you attempt to beat everything in 4 stars and fail 39393993204728 times and then you finally get to the Relic Invasion event and then you fail 2932857 times and then you finally get the unit and then you realize you wasted so much time getting that unit even though it was worth it

Ponos: lets just add a invansion when you beat all UL stages in 4 star

Player: FU-

yep. but its still f u n

yes the enjoyment is sometimes the levels or just getting cats or progressing or maybe anything

g o d
k n o w s

y e s

god cat the g r e a t

you verse him 3 times

and then you get him on the second beaten big bang

*filibuster the nuke has entered the chat*

*filibuster: has a ton of knockbacks*
*Ide:ri: also has a ton of knockbacks*

*Filibuster: has nuke ablity*
*Ide:ri: does lots of damge and goes into higher damge when Knocked back enough*

pretty much, but filibuster should have 1130 standing range instead of 150 or something

yes

*zackie peng*

All the zombie enemies in merciless mode: We are super buff and we can no longer be knocked back in 1 hit
All the zombie enemies in normal mode: We are super weak and we die in 1 knockback

And we bury too your base haha I just revived in front of your base die

Daboo: Hi i will destroy your cats in 13 seconds and i am approaching to your base even though i can't bury i will clap your cats with this magical book i have and nothing can stop me and i am immune to most effects now im at your base die

*paladin and resist zombie cats and jiangshi cat intensify*

Daboo: oh no i got knocked back and now i am dead jk i can revive oh no i got zombie killer ability in me and now i am actually dead

*cue heavenly herald papuu*

Papuu: hahaha i have a lot of health and i will use my magical book to poison your cats so they can't fight anymore and ill just use sir rel and wall doge so that you can't hit me and now i am sniping your base to death and now die

*cheeses the stage*
HAHAHAH

Enemies: HAHA WE ARE WINNING OH WHAT TH- OH NO YOU BEAT THE BASE AND NOW WE ARE DEAD dasdfahs;dfkljasd;flkasjd;fasdkjf

haha A. Bahamut cheese go brrrrrrrrrrrrr

Cheese's are pretty hard but sometimes easy to do

MY NAME IS MICHAEL J CABOOSE AND I. HATE. TROLLEY BLOGGERS.

Trolley Blogger: We are pretty fast and we have a chance to push back your defense but we are insanely weak expect on the perfume room level where we actually have a lot of health but still die in 3 hits and we are insanely annoying in some levels where we are spammed

haha your meatshields kb we're getting close to base fhfjdhreaogairg oh no your backliners are now frontliners and you lose

Those guys are really just cousins to Trolley bloggers and The thrillerz

Thrillerz are annoying sometimes

Thrillerz: we are fast af and we give you no time to save up money to produce cats and we can borrow twice and now we are hitting your cats at high damages and we like to be spammed on stages

If they make metal those guys Im gonna die; CROCONATOR WAS ALREADY BAD

Croconator was 5 hp i think in normal *could have more* and its already bad because sometimes it blocks the cats hit from hitting some of the backliners. METAL THOSE GUYS would be hell and ponos would probably spam them in a lot of those stages

Cyborg dudes:
Move fast, 30 hp, 2000 mcdamage and spam 100

Also has the chance to freeze cats and lower their damage

Nonono, has 10 percent chance of lv 4 shockwave

yes

imagine if there was a Relic Version of Daboo

Can slow 50 % + curse, omni strike + poison 20%

yes

What if they made a zombie alien sloth

that'd be crazy

*has 20% to do a surge attack*
*also has KB ablity*
*has a 5% chance to borrow once*

No you cant have burrow chance:
either you can or you can dont
burrows once, revives infinite times unless zombie killed, 10 seconds between revives

e

Oh, and can warp lv 2 and barrier of 200k

yes

yeah, especially bora but mostly NOT MIZLI

Bora is pretty good, everyone says that mizli is a syndrome or something, but i do have mizli

(Luckily i got p a l ad i n a n d d i n o c a t)

s a m e
h e r e

(Ponos: *proceeds to add the most cancer enemies of each type together:

White: h e n r y
Red: capy meatshield go brrrrrr
Black: *sbk + tackey spam + lenoir*
Angel: anglerfish reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee stack
Zombie: zrollow and meatsheild hahah
relic: *sends puffington and M ost*
Metal: *sends metal one horn meatshielded*)
Me: *is dead even with ubercarry*

Ponos: Proceeds to make the difficultly a extreme merciless where the enemies do 5x more dmg and have 10x more health and are all immune to freeze

Also Ponos: lets add all of the enemies that people seem to fail on together to make a fail process complete!

adds Sunfish jones, Alien Seal, Professor A., Zomboe, and other slow enemies into one level

For the record, certain enemies have certain powers. and a buff buffs everything but special ability by x%
sunfish is annoying, imperator sael needs some of them elemental pixies.
zomboe once you have high level cat is eh
slow enemies just need curseblast or general heavy hitters/frontline resist

i'll use those things when i reach that level or different levels in UL

So, basically:

the "Mizli effect"
you know how on most levels, the aliens have CANCER BACKLINE? *coughs in calamary*
so mizli can kb right?
then your cats move forward, but the enemy backline doesn't
LETTING THE LONG RANGE HIT YOUR BACKLINE DEMOLISHING YOUR PLAN

makes sense, which is why i don't use Mizli ever because i learned how KB effect is pretty bad in some stages, and i think the Z-onel stage might be a bit harder because i have KB level 2 on chill cat

Dude, Z-onel?
*flashbacc*
you kinda have to hit them with the holy cannon and hope a zombie killer gets the last hit EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE CANCER ALIENS LIKE STAR PENG

yep most the enemies on there like the star ones are extremely cancer, my holy blast is level 16 and the cannon how you have to time it is just crazy

Worst part is there's 2, meaning they're NEVER IN SYNC and NEVER KB IN SYNC meaning:
The frontline zonel: *kills all your meatshields that too slow which is like 70% of them*
Backline z-onel *kills your heavy or pusher*
Peons/Aliens: *destroys meatshield*
kjrahiudghsrth
I hated this level, Im not doing it again

I'll probably attempt to beat it sometime, but im not sure if the cat is worth it to get, since there is 2 of them, its going to be hell just to kill 1 of them if holy blast doesn't kill them, i have attempted it but either the peons borrowed under to my base or Z-onel and the backline Z-onel just destroyed everything

Yep. Pretty much sums it up. GET THOSE TALENTS

y e s

*casually plays the great abyss CH 1 and feel powerful becuz i m phace ded 1 shot

*casually farms bounty missions*