Woman Yelling At Cat

. . . I may or may not do this

I do it too buddy

I got in trouble yesterday

and today again

I have witnesses

Well not 12 cause I'm forced to go to "bed" at 10 but I have it at like 9 typically or when I spend the night at a friends house I typically do have it at 12

I go to bed at 11:30 but I can't sleep
I am phsycally tired but my brain is trying to process everything that has happened that day and creates random theories and ideas on how that day could have been better and everytime my stupid ass used those ideas everything becomes 10 times worse.

For me I just lie awake for hours and my brain slowly starts hating myself more and more while my sanity slowly gets chipped away

I just become overpowered with guilt and can't sleep

I mostly put it all on to writing in like docs (don't ask)

insomnia gang

ayeeeeeeeeee

jesus christ i have giant bags under my eyes from sleep deprivation

I have ton of hundreds of theories I just need to incorporate the unknown variable from last time...

wait I don't even need that one I just need to repeat my previous mistake and that means I just need to reassemble my toxic friend group

and then I need to bring several of the war's back into session and make sure the rumors come back but updated versions

I am already like 25% done I just need to get 3 more people back

1 down 3 to go and I need to crack at the challenging one.

to do that I need to bully his enemy like I did accidently did before then he will know that we support his opinions like a good friend and come back just like the other one

and the other one is a follower so if I get the previous one back he'll come back for sure and then that leaves her

if everyone is back she'll automatically return as if we are the metal and she is the magnet

once the whole group is back I just need to use the unknow variable before and recreate everything

not really she doesn't even understand my reading brain theory I explained to her like 7 min ago

she doesn't understand half my theories

if this theory succeeds then I can successfully die

it's simple

It probably wouldn't be easy

I honestly don't want her to die so that's why I'm still here

then again I could cut off our friendship like make her hate me as much as Hasan so that way she wouldn't care if I die and I can successfully die.

wait... for that I need to create drama...

if I could take the unknown variable from before and some how recreate the previous dramatizing events I could some-how make her hate me

She would probably see through that

yeah same I honestly should be dead and most likely would be dead if Narwhal didn't prevent me she always say's "you go I go" and "you do I do" this is why I was attempting to mentally hurt myself I am meantaly hurt already but it needs to become most deep so I have a better reason to die

Yeah her saying stuff like that is one of the things keeping me from grabbing a knife and killing myself

instead of arguing with yourself in your head you can argue with yourself over text and get it into writing at the same times

most of the time it helps but once in a while I just get angry at myself

once you finish the convo with yourself you copy and paste it on a doc and analyze it to find what variable is making you mad

but to find the variable you need a theory or several od them so create theorys about what is what and so on and then incorporate the variable you just discovered from your conversation to find whats wrong

once you find out whats wrong you create a theory on how and what you could have done to make it better

and then you incorporate that theory into your next day.

you keep repeating this process till you are satified

But the problem is I'm still alive

yeah it help's sometimes talking to yourself

I made like 5 Instagram accounts and made a gc with all of them so I can talk to myself

Huh

Well I can't sleep with thoughts in my head so what better way to get them out my writing them

I would talk to someone but they won't get it

That might work for me I should try that

yeah sometimes I'm on Instagram or something other times I am just scribbling random shit that is irrelevant

I just lay awake with nothing to do unable to sleep

I don't really get bags I just fall asleep in science and history
I can't sleep when I want to but when I wanna stay awake I fall asleep
I don't get the logic

I dont get any sleep besides the couple hours each night though

That sounds a lot like one of my friends he gets no sleep at night and then just sleeps through the day