who would you pick?

I 'have' to save one, the other is a choice. According to the statement only the friend would have a broken heart. Since i have to save one, I would definetly save her to avoid the broken heart thing, but will save my friend by choice...did i dissect this joke right?

I’d walk home, make some popcorn, & turn on the news

I would save him because his mama so fat I can't hold her

Since orphanhood is the ultimate aphrodisiac, according to derps, then why would anyone choose to save the ex? they love the drama they bring!

IAST, just stay single from day one and leave people alone. It's a win-win.