"MY DECADES OF SEE-SAWING POLITICS ARE ALMOST AS PATHETIC AS MY MEMORY.. BUT HEY MAN! I WAS ABLE TO READ MY PRE-RECORDED SPEECH OFF THE TELEPROMPTER!"; PRODUCER: "OK JOE, TAKE NUMBER -38- YOU CAN DO IT BRAH!"; PITY AND SYMPATHY ARE NO GROUNDS TO ELECT SOMEONE PRESIDENT