The OC Comedy Jokes Roleplay!!! (The Comedian Roleplay)

Im good with stand up. Can I just use my main Oc then crack a buncha one-liners?

Ok.

do I put a bio?

Maybe. Sure.

So, while were on the topic of romance, lets talk about dates! To be honest, I would be a horrible person to date. Like, just- dont. Thats a bad idea. Anyways, if I somehow secured a date with ANY boy, how would that work? I would just be like a disaster trying to get ready. Like, I would be just trying to do makeup (which I dont wear, if Im being honest) and because I dont wear makeup usually, I would try to overcompensate and that’s just- not a pretty scenario to be in for anyone.

Imagine my now soon-to-be-ex walking in on me, slashing makeup on my face. I would probably be adding glitter, cuz I want to be SHINY in the light, you know? Like in animated movies, or cheesy rom-coms, you know who the girls face does that subultle sparkle when she hits the light JUUUUST right? Well, I would be adding glitter to my face so that way I could get that effect.

But, just imagine someone walking in on me, spreading glitter all over my face? I would just jump back and hold a makeup brush like its a knife and be like, “STAND BACK I’M A PRETTY WOMAN!”

And thats not like, even taking into account the ACTUAL date. Like, alright, not a lot of people know this, but I’m poor as HECK. Like, I grew up in the slums of Mexico, where people live in shacks. Like, thats what I grew up in. Sheer poverty. Now, what if the person taking me out is like…familiar with fancy places? What if he takes me out to a fancy lunch or dinner for the date-

And, well, lets just talk about lunch and dinner real quick, Ja? Like, dinner is SOOOOO much more serious than lunch. Like, *inhales* Lunch is casual, you know? You stop for a quick bite to eat, but you talk a bit, but since you got places to go, you dont really get trapped in all the anxiety of the place, you know?

Dinner is like-

No time limit.

Most restaurants MAKE you be quiet, so there’s nothing to distract you from the person you’re with.

Its a heavy meal, so you got to wait a while for it to be cooked, so then it takes a while to eat, so that just makes MORE time for you to be alone with this person and like, yes, sweetie, I love you, but I have ANXITEY are you sure this is what you want to be doing-

So, that whole thing is a situation. Now, not to mention, that, becuase I’m poor, if Im ANYWHERE fancy, I would just be a disgrace to anyone within a 3 mile radius of me.

Like, I hate when people think I know what’s going on, and what I should do, like, no, you need to monitor me to make sure my dumbass dosent mess up! Like, I would probably end up drinking the soy sauce cuz it was in a fancy bottle and I thought it was a fancy soda, like, no, dont let me do that. You need to protect me from myself!

Haha….my favorite part of tis gig is that I can say stuff thats like, low-key concerning, but you guys would just be like, “haha- *worried laughing* are you alright…?” And Im just like *waves hands dissmisvly* Guys its a joke dont look around just laugh. We’re all here to have a good time just shut up and laugh-“ and then you guys realize how funny what I just said was, and then since you dont feel concerned anymore, you guys just laugh it up.

And then here I am, just like, “Pls kill me :)”

But honestly though, my jokes are really self-destructive. I can say the funniest stuff about myself, but I dont really like it when people insult me. Its like,

“Hey, I know Im a f***in’ dumbass, but call me that to my face again, and I’ll murder ya!” Is anyone else like that?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (Clapping)

Ha, alright!
We'll we'll we'll...if it isn't autocorrect.

(People laugh) Nice one!

Haha, thats just a warm up! So, I was thinking I could tell you guys a funny story. You guys arent very squimish, right?

(People laugh)

Am I making you laugh irl-

Yeah! That's pretty funny! (Clapping)

I'll take that as a no. So, a while back, I needed money for stuff, so I was taking jobs to clean out peoples houses since I couldnt get an actual job, since Im still a teenager. Now, this guy asked me if I could take out his windows on the 3rd story, and replace them.

Now, Im really really really terrified of heights. Like, if Im standing on one of those little concrete walls that are like a foot tall, I cant step down cuz Im too scared. Its really ironic, cuz Im like, 6 feet tall, but anyways, if I cant be that high up, imagine how I would be if I was on 1 3rd floor, on a ladder, unable to cling to the ladder becuase I had to replace windows!

(Laughing)

*smiles* Would you like some more jokes?

Yes! (Clapping)

What should I put?

At the booth I think. I didn't have a booth on here.

Alright

Name: Rei Kirishima
Apperance: Curly blonde hair and blue eyes. Yellow cardigan, black skirt and white knee high socks and black flats
Humor: Can do anything from obscure humor to dark humor. Just tell her what you want.

Is that good?

Yeah!

(*bows* Thanks!)

Rei walked up onstage, holding a mic. "Hello everyone" she asked the crowd.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Nice! I wonder what we could divide anything! Ha ha ha! Cool!

Would you like some stand-up?

Oh! Why not! I would like to do that!

Hey, did you know that chloroform takes about 5 minutes for it to work, and if you give it to someone for too long, then you can paralyze their lungs, thus killing them?
Fun fact, am I right?

So, I know many things. Lots of fun little factoids, but many people often consider them weird. And, the reasons I know such information, is just as weird, if not, weirder.

What's worse, is that I am very embarrassed to tell people WHY I know the information I do. Like, “I don't care if it's ‘a red flag’ or if it's ‘weird that I know that’, human meat tastes salty, alright?!” “Huh? Am I a cannibal? Mind your business, damnit!!”

Hehe...but, well, I do know a lot of things. I don't know, I'm just...a nerd. I retain information easily, you know? Like history. I can memorize what happened, though dates are a little...less memorable.

“When did the earth form?”

“BEFORE I WAS BORN!!!”

I mean, I'm not wrong. Lots of things happened before I was born. Geography I'm pretty good at, and I'm really good at english. I'm not good at math though. Like...at all.

“What's 5 + 4?”

“10!”

I also can't spell. I suck so bad at spelling. The only reason you guys can understand me id because of auto-correct. That is a life saver. God bless whoever made that thing. I owe them one, like, seriously. My dumb ass is over misspelling because and 1st grade level words!

And, I'm saying that with the American education standards. Like, Americans are PROBABLY the dumbest country out there. Like, over there in Korea, they're teaching ALGEBRA to 5TH GRADERS.

5TH GRADERS

I was in the 5th grade when I said 5 + 4 = 10 you guys, I would never live in Asia. Or well, probably just never received my education in Asia, you know?

What's the joke for the day?

She gave a small smile. "So, you know that 10,000 gallons of pollution go into the earth every day? Well, that number could be halved-" she paused, "If it were divided by two."

Ha ha ha ha ha! (Clapping)

*bows* Thank you! Would you like an encore?

All: Yes! (Clapping)

Haha, okay!!! So, recently, I've been getting a crush on this foreign boy. He's from Indonesia, which, funnily enough, I knew existed, but I FORGOT it existed for like, a solid 14 years.

So anyways, I had a hard time telling this boy I liked him, because I guess I thought he friend zoned me, but anyways, I didn't want to just send him a weird, balled up text like:

*hides behind wall* *peeks from around the corner of the wall* Here are my emotions- *awkwardly throws ball of words* *starts running away* BYE-

So, I figured I would flirt, but then i realized i had no idea HOW to flirt. I tried asking my good friend, Miso, and she said, “Oh, just give compliments!!!” but like, when I do it, I feel like I do it so sarcastically-

Like, if he were to show me his drawing, I would be like “Oh, that's nice! Thats so good, thats f**king amazing!” I feel like he would feel like I'm trying to be a suck up, and I don't want that. I want to be kinda...subutle, you know? So I would try to self-correct by going like: “Oh but this could be better”

But then I feel like I'm dissing him, and so I try to self correct by giving him more praise and before you know it, I'm a walking contradiction that not even phoenix wright could unravel.

So I didn't flirt with him.

I know, how this boy doesn't know I like him is a mystery to me too. I mean, I've been so obvious.

So anyways. He is from Indonesia. So, for some reason, my brain was like:

Hey. Hey. *taps shoulder annoyingly* hey.

And I'm like,

What?

Brain: I see you like that boy.
Me: You see correctly. Though, HOW you can see correctly is a mystery, because my vision is crappy, so why would you see goo-
Brain: Shut up. I cracked the code.
Me: Code?
Brain: On how to seduce the boy!!!
Me: Oh wait, really?!?!?
Brain: Yes, it's so simple.
Me: Oh god, tell me.
Brain: Seduce him with history!!!
Then my heart, who is a very good eavesdropper, just comes in and it like:

Oh my god, how did we not think of this before???

And I'm just like:

You guys are so right!!!

So, instead of like, going to him and being like:

“Oh hey, I really like you.” or flirting like “You're really hot, I like you a lot”

Like, cuz why would I do that??? Why would that work??? Like, no. Boys like facts about where they live, duh. Like, just imagine me.

Like, cuz why would I do that??? Why would that work??? Like, no. Boys like facts about where they live, duh. Like, just imagine me.

I go and saunter up to him seductively, and flip my hair, whisper into his ear like: Hey, hey. Did you know that Indonesia was founded in August, on the 17th? In the year 1945? Of course you do, you live there *cute flirty giggle*

As you can see, I am an expert on romance.

But, before I went to test out my Indonesia knowledge on the final boss, I went and tried it on the streets first.

People were stumped, literally. Like “Why….why would you know that???”

And, well, like hell I'm going to tell them I know it because I'm trying to seduce a boy, so instead, I just say:

“Indonesia is hot”

And my brain, in order not to be seen as stupid, adds:

“Because it is on the equator.”

Like, instead of saying: “I found an indonesian boy hot” or instead of saying “Indonesia is interesting” I just… said another fact.

Imagine the confusion.

It's like “Oh, what made you pursue your interests?”

“Temperature”

LOL!

Here is the joke: this dude’s stream: https://imgflip.com/m/ToonzaiSoJuicy (It’s the imposter by the way)

Oh heck yes i've got a lot of cheesy jokes with no one to tell them to.

Ok.

I’ll sign up

Ok.

Can i join?

Sure.

Thx i cold tell you a joke about infinity, but it has no ending

Could*

Ok. Sounds fun.