IF YOU LIKE TO TALK TO TOMATOES; IF YOU ENJOY CONVERSING WITH TOMATOES; IF YOU ARE PLEASURED BY THE ACT OF CONVERSING WITH SOLANUM IYCOPERSICUM; IF YOU ASSOCIATE POSITIVELY WITH ENGAGING IN SPEECH TO A GLOSSY RED, OR OCCASIONALLY YELLOW, PULPY EDIBLE FRUIT THAT IS TYPICALLY EATEN AS A VEGETABLE OR IN A SALAD