well, i can kinda be sad, but i never ever could be happy. i've never experienced that ever. And as a cherry on top, my depression tells me i'm just a waste of space and should just end it while you can still hold my dignity. I try to fight it, but it's hard to fight something you agree with. To most people, i'm just a speck of dust on the ground, and to be honest, I don't blame them. Because of my "impediment", I can never feel happy for someone. And to top it all of, I rarely see anyone because i have no friends, and that means nobody comes to my birthday parties, which means I don't have birthdays. And my room is the top floor, and a fall from that height, I thought , would easily kill me. I tried. I only broke both legs, 2 ribs, and cracked my skull. That was 1 year ago in retrospect, I should have tried the good old noose and chair trick...