I GAVE UP ON THAT WHOLE "BEING A HISTORIAN" BIT WHEN I FOUND DEFINITIVE PROOF LEONIDAS WAS USUALLY A SISSY IN HIS LIFETIME AND GOT PUNKED OUT MORE THAN BAD LUCK BRIAN DURING HIS PRISON STINT, AND THAT THAT WHOLE THERMOPYLAE STUNT WAS A FLUKE. NOW I JUST EAT POWDERED DONUTS AND LOOK FOR SPARE CHANGE IN MILLIONAIRES' HOMES.