DEAR GOD, WHEN I WAS PROMOTED TO SAINTHOOD IT WAS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY AFTERLIFE. BUT I'M NOT SURE IF BEING THE SAINT OF WINDSHIELD WIPERS IS EXACTLY WHAT I SEE MYSELF DOING FOR ETERNITY. YES, PROPER WIPER SPEED IN RAINY WEATHER IS A BIG DEAL BUT I JUST FEEL I, UH, NOT TO COMPLAIN BUT ARE THERE ANY OPENINGS I CAN APPLY FOR? IS THERE AN HR DEPARTMENT I CAN CONTACT? MAYBE BE THE SAINT OF BEACH VOLLEYBALL OR SOMETHING. AMEN.
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