You know. I have always preferred solitude over company because it allows me to get lost in my thoughts.
At the same time I feel rejected and isolated because I am terrible with people. Never have felt like I fit in anywhere, or that my friends were really my friends at all. Always the odd one out in all situations. When I ever do find that people are seeking me out in friendship it bothers me. I think because I have always been fairly alone and am not equipped to handle company. I say awkward things, or don't know what to say at all, do awkward things, feel generally out of place. Often I have found that when surrounded by people or in a relationship, I feel more lonely than if I actually were alone.
Happiness is not necessarily found in other people, but rather with people who reflect the better parts of ourselves, or people who seem to be similar in our awkward social abilities and general social struggle, or also in our perception of life in general. However it is perfectly possible and acceptable to be happy in solitude. The Kelly Clarkson lyrics that ring very true here are. "it doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone."
But if you are lonely it is better to fill the loneliness with meaningful company than with people who do not feel like the are "your" people.
