We can’t have fireworks, but Congressmen still want to give themselves a pay raise.

I’M GONNA NEED YOU CONGRESSMEN TO GIVE UP YOUR PAY RAISES IF YOU’RE GONNA KEEP COMPLAINING ABOUT FIREWORKS AND MILITARY PARADES BEING TOO EXPENSIVE. OH, AND IF YOU COULD DO SOMETHING LEGISLATIVELY PRODUCTIVE IN BETWEEN YOUR EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE VACATIONS AND PAYING OFF YOUR HOOKERS, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.