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ON THE 12TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, UNITED GAVE TO ME:; 12 BOSTON CRABS 11 DROPKICKS 10 HEAD SHOTS 9 ARM BARS 8 FACE LACERATIONS 7 STOMACH PUNCHES 6 HOUR FLIGHT DELAYS 5 BROKEN RIBS 4 NECKBREAKERS 3 POWERSLAMS 2 BROKEN TEETH AND A SEVERE CONCUSSION.