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'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE EVERYBODY FELT SHITTY -- EVEN THE MOUSE. MOM AT THE W**REHOUSE AND DAD SMOKING GRASS; I'D JUST SETTLED DOWN FOR A NICE PIECE OF ASS. WHEN OUT ON THE LAWN I HEARD SUCH A CLATTER I SPRUNG FROM MY PIECE TO SEE WHAT THE MATTER THEN OUT ON THE LAWN I SAW A BIG DICK I KNEW IN A MOMENT: IT MUST BE SAINT NICK. HE CAME DOWN THE CHIMNEY LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL I KNEW IN A MOMENT THE FAT F**KER FELL. HE FILLED ALL OUR STOCKINGS WITH PRETZELS AND BEER AND A BIG RUBBER DICK FOR MY BROTHER THE QUEER. HE ROSE UP THE CHIMNEY WITH A THUNDEROUS FART THE SON OF A BITCH BLEW THE CHIMENY APART, HE SWORE AND HE CURSED AS HE RODE OUT OF SIGHT "PISS ON YOU ALL, I'VE HAD A HELL OF A NIGHT!"