I feel like this!! Most of the time I don't find people funny, interesting, clever nothing, We have humor Nix me and you but people like us pay for our funny bones with depression... I been really dark lately girl, I loose the plot and i am sick of it i swear..... scary. dunno what to do tho???????
What to do? Well... what we always do. We must find something in which to bury ourselves. This web site is where I go to try and shake it off. I'm sorry you're stuck in the quick sand though. I know how that feels. :(
Like you i have people problems, but i have a gift of making people laugh so its a dilemma for me, when i go on depression lock down people expect me to be funny and then they try cheer me up,then i feel bad because they think i have fallen out with them OMG it hurts me
People who do not know depression do not understand. It's like being in handcuffs and having them ask you to just slip out of them. They think it's that easy. They also find no logic in a person just needing to go on lock-down as you say. The only logical reason they know is that surely we must be angry at them. We can't make most people "get it".
I got to a point where i was that ill i was talking to myself (a lot) i left my job and hid away from every living soul sitting in the dark just turning the TV channels over and over, I tried drinking it snorting it and smoking it all away to no prevail, I am a 38 year old mans man and would cry like a little girl hating myself swearing at myself and my thoughts would terrorize and torment me from AM 2 PM 24/7 i would not wish it on my worse enemy i swear to god i wouldn't, psych ward was beckoning but my loved ones didn't have the heart to do it... I am scared of slipping off the tightrope. I have a good job and good people there but they don't know about my condition so its like an alter ego for now......Supermad lol!!
How terrible to go through all that. I the worst suffering takes place in private it seems. I don't know how much good I am, but I hope that venting to me is a help in some way no matter how small. You have to try and regain your strength. Easier said than done of course... but there is something out there you can grab ahold of. You just haven't found it yet.