Oprah You Get A

Holla ev'ryone, conc'rn'd christian fath'r h're. Mine own son hast recently did get into the game hath called f'rtnite? i've hath spent well ov'r $500 on this game and its becoming a problem. Apparently the game is down even but now and its causing a lot distress f'r mine own issue. That gent keeps taking mine own newspap'r and tries to "full piece" me. I knoweth not what this means but i'm starting to bethink its something associat'd with the Flibbertigibbet. That gent wonneth't cometh with us anywh're unless we taketh a "launch pad" to receiveth th're. Its starting to receiveth w'rse by the hour and i knoweth not how much longeth'r i can taketh this. His forks, arms, and hands art shaking violently yet that gent refuses to taketh any typeth of medicine unless its a "big pot" 'r "chuggies. " someone prithee holp me