EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, I AM RESIGNING THE OFFICE OF PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. I'M SORRY OBAMA, HILL, BOB, CHUCK, AND NANCY. I'M SORRY WOMEN AND MINORITIES. OH, I ALSO HEREBY RESCIND ALL OF MY PREVIOUS EXECUTIVE ORDERS. WHAT WAS I THINKING? OK? SO RESCIND FIRST, THEN RESIGN. THANKS EVERYONE. YOU'VE BEEN GREAT. DON TRUMP