THE PERFECT BOYFRIEND; a head that he can't get you out of; eyes just for you; ears that always listen to you; handsome boyfriend face; broad shoulders to cry on; a meaty chest to nuzzle into; heart of gold; normal boyfriend elbows (x 2); strong arms to hold you tight; stomach doubles as trash compactor; big strong butt to open jars and crack walnuts with; hands that have normal fingers and definitely not tentacles; extra pockets to carry your phone, keys and your credit cards he pays for; knees to show you a good time; ... a really good time; extra pocket for snacks, razor blades etc. extra pocket full of kittens! big ol' boots for stomping on spiders, burglars, mice etc. hidden venomous spur to stab everyone at your high school reunion with
