Lying Grandpa

BACK IN MY DAY I WALKED 10 MILES BAREFOOT IN SNOW; UPHILL BOTH WAYS TO GET TO SCHOOL IN FREEZING BLIZZARDS; I GOT WHIPPED WITH A BELT BY THE TEACHER, THE PRINCIPAL, THE JANITOR, THE NURSE, MY MOM, MY DAD, THE PRIEST, THE MILKMAN, THE NEIGHBORS, THE DENTIST, THE DOCTOR, THE POLICE, THE BARBER, THE HOMELESS MAN... KIDS THESE DAYS ARE SO SOFT AND PAMPERED; IF I GAVE THEM A BEATING HALF AS ROUGH AS MY BOWEL MOVEMENTS THEY WOULD DROP FASTER THAN FLIES IN MY BATHROOM