A bears got to do what a bears got to do

:)

Three Brits were in the Amazon Rainforest when they came across a native village. They were invited to share a meal with them, and one of the elders engaged them in conversation. The elder talked about the mysterious Foo Bird, and legend had it that if the Foo Bird took a crap on your head, you should never wash it off or you'll die. The Brits thanked the villagers for the meal and headed out, not taking the legend seriously.

Suddenly, as they were hiking, they heard a loud squawk overhead, and all three of them got crapped on. They all rushed to the nearest stream to wash it off, and sure enough, they all died.

The moral of the story? If the Foo shits, wear it! :-)

Awesome :) two drunks walking down a lonely road and one sees a mirror one the shoulder of the road and picks it up and stares glantly into in and says ' patty this picture reminds me of someone i know '. Then hands it to his friend. 'And says 'do you know him?". His mate longs long and hard and says" why yes patty..its me :)

Love it :-) Little Johnny catches his dad in the shower one fine morning, and says, "Hey Dad, what are those things?"

Dad says, "Well, those are the apples of life, my dear boy."

To that, Little Johnny gets all excited and runs into the kitchen, yelling, "Hey, Mommie, guess what? I just saw Dad's apples of life!!"

She says, "Oh, that's nice, did you see the dead branch they're hangin' from?"

(sorry, couldn't resist)

Lol nice. I love jokes so keep them coming :)

Three gay guys were at the funeral home. In spite of the fact that they never met before, they got into a conversation.
The first one said, "My man loved fishing, so I'm going to take his ashes and scatter them in the lake."
The second one said, "My man loved flying his float plane, so I'm going to take his plane up and scatter his ashes all over the city."
The third one said, "Well, my man was the most gentle, passionate, thoughful lover in the whole world, and he was a very talented gourmet cook, so I'm going to put his ashes into a big pot of chili and let him ream my ass out one more time."

(blame my daughter for that one!)

A man walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm and says to the bartender "i bet you a hundred dollars i can put my balls in its mouth " the bartender says your on so the guys puts the croc on the bar.drops his pants and hits the croc on the top of its head and it opens it mouth and he proceeds to put his nuts in the crocs mouth and the croc gently closes it mouth.after a minute he hits the croc really hard in the head and it opens its mouth. Then the guy says i will double the bet if someone else wants to try.the room falls silent until a blond at the end of the bar says "i will give it a go but can you please not hit me so hard in the head.

daffy definitions time .... :-)

Lmao :) sometimes hard to tell jokes in this format in text without being misinterpreted. :)

:-) Have a Good One!

A man was driving at speed in his new porsche though the hills when a police officer took chase.on and in they went until the policeman finally flagged down the the man. . After aproching the said captive he asked why he felt the need to drive in such a reckless manner. The driver said"its my ex wife.she ran off with a cop who looked just like you. ",and the officer said "that doesnt explain why you where speeding." And the man said "i thort you were trying to bring her back".

Lol awesome :)

A young fellow running late for work opened his front door and sees a snail on the front porch .so he picks it up and throws it across the street. Years past and the finally the day comes of his retirement so humblely he arrives home to be greeted by the same snail who looks up at him and says "what the f**k was that about"?

Dude was up hunting in the Frozen Canadian North. Comes across a little bird that didn't get an early enough start on flying south, and the bird was half-fozen.

So the dude rummages around and finds a cow pattie. He then gathers up some firewood. Gets the cowpattie nice and soft and warm and sticks the bird in it until only the birds head was visible.

Bird thinks it's spring. Starts singing. Wolf hears bird from a distance, comes over, bites the bird's head off.

The morals of the story are:

1.) The person that gets you into shit may not necessarily be your enemy.

2.) The person that gets you out of shit may not necessarily be your friend.

3.) If you're up to your neck in shit, for crissakes, don't sing your fool head off!

A man walks into a clock shop and says to the girl behind the counter "excuse me is this a clock shop" and the girl says "why yes it is" so the guys drops his pants and says "do you think you could put two hands and a face on this"

Pat and Mike were on shore leave in Bangkok. That night, they decided to cruise the red-light district, and began bar-hopping on that street. After several bars and several shots, they came upon a brothel.

The madam answered the door to see two very drunk men. She only had one girl available, so, as Pat was more sober, he got the girl, while Mike, very drunk, got hitched up with a life-sized inflatable doll.

The next morning, they were having coffee and nursing nasty hangovers. Mike looked at Pat and said, "Say, how was your night?"

Pat beamed as he replied, "Great night! My girl was lively, vivacious and funny, and fabulous in bed. How about you, you don't look so good."

Mike said, "Well ... I dunno ... my girl was real quiet. Pretty enough, nice pale complexion and all, but she just sat there, didn't say or do anything. So I leaned over and nibbled on her ear, and all of a sudden, she farted and flew out the window!"