The Prophecy and Fulfillment of The Day of Festivus; No, but through profanities and foul language will the head of the house speak to his family and friends. To them he said, this is the day of Festivus, lodge your grievances with those who have grieved you and this will be refreshing: If they won't listen, he will make them; For I have complaints that I must speak to you, thoughts of discord, and of calamity, to give you despair on the Day of Festivus. And when the Day of Festivus was fully come they were all in discord with one another and suddenly there came a sound from all the seats as of a mighty gushing wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting; And there appeared to one of them as a heated rectum that like as of fire, and a rancorous smell fell upon all of them. Then they were all filled with a Profane Spirit, and began to speak with vile tongues as the spirit gave them flatulence. One individual rose up in protest and said, I will not listen to the ramblings of a mad man! Then the Head of the House came at that person through the power of the profane spirit and the heated rectum of fire and by force shut them down. Thus fulfilling the prophecy of the day of Festivus.
